A short,
four chapter spuffy Halloween ficlett with some drama, lots of smutty
goodness, and a bit of romance, but no real angst.
What if Halloween in Season 6 came after Spike and Buffy had been
shagging for a while? Takes place sometime after ‘Dead Things’ but
before ‘As You Were’. Halloween, and Spike’s offer of a bit of the
‘rough and tumble’, has been rescheduled to a time when Buffy would
accept that invitation.
While Dawn went on a covert 'double date' with Janice and the two
vampires, Justin and Zack, Buffy and Spike had some rough and tumble
plans of their own. Where might this night lead when things get
complicated and Buffy’s secret slips out?
The first chapter of this story will sound familiar to regular
Unexpected ‘Verse readers, but the chapters that follow are all new.
Thanks to Anona for her grammatical
and punctuation corrections and commentary that always makes me smile, and
to Paganbaby for her invaluable input and ideas!
Rating / Warnings:
NC17. Content is only suitable for mature adults.
Contains explicit language, sex, adult themes, and other adult situations that
some people may find objectionable. If you are under the age of 17 or
find any of these themes objectionable – GO AWAY.
Moments
later…
When
Buffy’s heart-rate slowed and her breathing evened out, Spike thought she
might’ve fallen asleep. He took the rare opportunity to study her face in the
soft, golden candlelight without her punching him in the nose and running off,
as was her habit. He lifted his face and gazed down on her, gently brushing some
stray locks away from her eyes with his fingers. His ‘Goldilocks’ had cut off
her long mane of sunshine, but she remained just as resplendent, just as
beautiful to him as ever. His blue eyes shone with love and reverence as he
smiled down at her serene features … and it turned out to be the absolute worst
thing he could've done. Like some kind of early warning system – which the military really
should to look into employing – Buffy’s verdant eyes blinked open and she caught
him looking at her.
Buffy
turned away, her face hardening into a mask of disgust, and
unceremoniously pushed him off her. Spike sighed as he landed on his back on the
bed next to her. He closed his eyes, and listened to her get up and begin
retrieving her clothes and hurriedly pulling them back on. He knew there was no sense
saying anything to her. The night was done – she was leaving. At least she
hadn’t kicked him in the head or punched him in the nose – yet. Buffy left
without another word, taking the candle with her and leaving Spike, as usual,
alone in the dark.
He sighed
when he heard the front door close and hauled himself up. He gathered his own
clothes from the floor and pulled them back on before following her out into the
cool, wet night. It had stopped raining and the only lightning to be seen was in
the far distant southern sky. It wasn’t that late and, despite it being
Halloween – the one night vampires stay in – he didn’t feel like being alone, so
he turned and headed toward Willy’s Place.
Taking a
shortcut through the park, he heard voices – kids playing juvenile Halloween
pranks, no doubt. He kept walking, head down, mind on his Slayer … or not his
Slayer … the Slayer. So lost was he in his thoughts that he didn’t even
notice the group of vampires, or the teenage girl running from them, until she
nearly bowled him over in the dark.
“Bloody
hell!” he exclaimed, catching his balance on her shoulders and steadying her at
the same time. “Why don’t ya watch where you’re …” he began to chastise tersely
when he realized who it was. “Niblett?! What the bloody hell are ya…”
“Spike!
Oh, thank God! Help! Vampires!” Dawn squealed as fright and relief warred in her
shrill voice, her eyes wide with fear.
Before
Spike knew what had happened, he and Dawn were surrounded by a group of at least
fifteen vamps.
“Bloody
plonkers these days, got no respect for the soddin’ rules,” Spike grumbled as he
felt in his duster pockets for weapons. He was dismayed to find he didn’t have
any weapons at all, not even a stake – he hadn’t expected any actual demons to
be out and about this night. D’oh! How many Halloweens would it take for him to
remember: this was Sunnydale – things were different here.
He
realized quickly there was no way he could take all of them and keep Dawn safe
too. As the vampires closed the circle around them, Spike grabbed Dawn and
pulled her back against his front hard. With one hand splayed against her
abdomen he growled a warning to the other vampires. “Mine!” he snarled at them,
his demon rising automatically.
Dawn’s
heart felt like it was going to hammer right through her ribs and out of her chest.
She turned frightened, confused
blue eyes up to Spike’s feral golden ones.
“Trust
me,” he growled against her neck as he lowered his mouth against her skin.
Dawn
stiffened and her eyes clamped tightly closed of their own accord, but she
nodded almost imperceptibly.
“Hey!
What’s your malfunction, man?” Justin demanded, stepping out of the wide ring of
vamps and up nearer Spike and his captive.
“It's
Halloween, you nit! We take the night off. Those are the rules!” Spike spat back
at the youngster, still holding Dawn against him, but pressing his demon down.
“Me and mine don't follow no stinkin' rules! We're rebels!” Justin proclaimed,
garnering a murmur of agreement from the other vamps, who took a step forward,
closing the circle around Spike and Dawn.
“No. I'm a rebel. You're an idiot. Give the
lot of us a bad name, you do,” Spike growled back. “Back the bloody hell off!
This morsel belongs t’ me – claimed she is,” Spike asserted again.
“I don’t
see any claim marks! What makes her yours? I saw her first – tasted her first …
she’s mine,” Justin insisted angrily.
“Like
hell,” Spike retorted. “This one, and ‘er sister, the Slayer, have been mine for
years, you prat. Who the bloody hell do ya think you’re dealing with here,
whelp?”
The other
vampires abruptly stopped their slow advance. A murmur ran through the group,
and Spike heard his name whispered through their ranks, despite not actually
introducing himself. Spike pulled out the only ‘weapon’ he had – one he’d
carried around with him since the very first time Buffy had shagged him.
He held
up a small wisp of lace and fabric, and twirled it in the air around his finger,
sending the scent of Slayer out over the crowd. They all snorted and growled,
but took a step back from him with more whispers and frightened glances.
The
rumors were true: Spike had tamed the Slayer – he owned her. If that
rumor was true, perhaps the others were also: Spike was insane – like, Michael
Myers insane – only worse: he killed demons. For fun. According to those
who would know, Spike would dust you if you just looked at him sideways.
“I heard
that he took out that whole nest of soldiers that used to live under the campus,
all by himself,” one young woman with long black hair whispered to her neighbor,
a balding, overweight man in his thirties.
“I heard
he saved the Slayer from Adam! Adam beat her up really good, I hear. She only
lived because Spike shielded her when Adam started shooting with that Gatling
gun. Spike took the bullets himself! Then, even shot up and bleeding, he tore
that freak’s guts out with his bare hands,” the balding man murmured
back.
“He
killed all those prisoners they had down there, too – dusted every last vamp,
decapitated every demon,” another vamp added. “It was a massacre!”
“Then he
carried the Slayer all the way to the hospital!” another woman piped up.
“She’s been his ever since, from what I’ve heard.”
Spike
smirked as he watched the circle of vamps take a few more steps back. Rumors
were beautiful things, if he did say so himself.
Justin
was the only one to not back down. He looked at Dawn with new comprehension.
“Your sister is the Slayer?” he asked, incredulity battling with awe in his
tone.
Dawn
nodded an autonomic reply. Her eyes were open again, watching Spike twirl one of
Buffy’s lace thongs on his finger.
“No
wonder you tasted so …”
“OI!
Finish that sentence and die,” Spike warned. “If ya back off now you’ll live t’
fight another day,” he advised. “This little bit is mine.”
Justin
eyed him angrily and looked around for help, but the other vampires had begun to
disperse, leaving him basically alone. Justin held his hands out to the side and
took a step back. “Don’t want any trouble with you, man,” he told Spike.
“Not as
daft as ya look,” Spike snarled back as he stuffed the undies back in his
pocket, grabbed Dawn’s hand, and begin to pull her away.
They
hadn’t gone three steps before Justin tackled Dawn from behind, yanking her hand
free of Spike’s. The two youngsters flailed around on the ground only a moment
before Justin pinned her down and his fangs found her tender, virgin neck. He’d
just pricked her skin when he was suddenly flying through the air from a savage
kick to his ribs, delivered by a furious Spike.
Dawn
screamed, holding a hand over the small pin-pricks, and scrambled behind Spike
as he stalked over to the boy. Justin was more resilient than Spike had
estimated, and apparently a few fries short of a Happy Meal, because he was back
on his feet and charging Spike, taking the elder vamp by surprise. Spike
growled when Justin tackled him around the midsection and drove Spike onto his
back on the hard ground. Justin’s fangs lashed at Spike, his fists flailing
wildly as he attacked the master vamp with crazed abandon. More than one fist
connected with Spike’s face before Spike could kick the youngster over his head
and off. In a
moment, both vamps were on their feet, circling each other warily. Justin stole
a glance at Dawn, trying to judge if he could get to her and drain her before
Spike could stop him – but there was no way. He could get to her, but he didn’t
want to rush the draining … or the turning.
In that
second of distraction, Spike pounced. By the time Justin knew Spike had moved,
the boy’s head was being wrenched off his shoulders by main force. Dust showered
down onto the damp ground as Justin disintegrated before Dawn’s wide, frightened
eyes.
Spike
stalked away from the pile of dust, slapping his hands together to remove the
gritty residue from them, and over to Dawn, who seemed to be frozen in place. “Let me
see,” he demanded, pulling her hand away from her neck. He sighed in relief, but
his voice was terse and still angry when he spoke. “You’ll live. Let’s go.”
He pulled
Dawn to her feet and began leading her out of the park. Finally coming to her
senses, Dawn told Spike that Janice was in the park with her. After a bit of
searching, Spike found Janice and sent her scurrying her home, basically
unharmed. That done, he dragged Dawn all the way back to Revello, despite her
objections and begging him to not tell Buffy. With her still pleading for mercy,
Spike stormed through the front door
of the Summers’ house, pulling Dawn by the hand. He swung the girl inside
in front of him. The move wasn’t anywhere near what he could’ve done if he’d
intended to hurt her; it simply made her stumble into the foyer – a grand
entrance. She grabbed the
banister to keep from falling, and began looking around wildly to see who
might’ve witnessed her unceremonious homecoming. Unfortunately, the answer was:
nearly everyone.
Inside,
the pair was met with stunned looks and gasps from the small group of friends
that were still there celebrating Xander and Anya’s engagement. Xander and
Willow jumped up immediately and went to Dawn, while Giles, Tara, and Anya
reacted a bit more slowly and followed a step or two behind. A moment later,
Buffy appeared at the top of the stairs, now dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
She’d come back in from ‘patrol’ through her bedroom window, leaving her ripped
Halloween costume safely hidden away in her room.
“What the
hell is going on?” Xander demanded, glaring at Spike as he helped to steady
Dawn.
“Caught
her out in the woods with a bloody vamp!” Spike explained, looking up at Buffy,
not Xander.
“What?
Dawn!? I thought you were going over to Janice’s!” Buffy exclaimed, jogging down
the stairs quickly.
“I was …
I did! We just … went for a walk and …” Dawn stammered.
“Bollocks!” Spike growled. “Tell the bloody truth!”
“I am!”
Dawn insisted, stamping a foot down angrily. “We went for a walk in the park and
… we met her friends, Zack and Justin, and … went for a ride,” Dawn stammered.
“You went
for a ride with strange boys!?” Buffy exclaimed angrily.
“Not
boys, vamps,” Spike clarified.
“Vampire
boys!?” Buffy shrieked at her sister.
“And she
let one taste ‘er …” Spike elaborated.
“I didn’t
let him … he bit me!” Dawn argued.
“Before
that – he said he’d tasted you; said you were his,” Spike continued angrily.
“He just
kissed me!” Dawn defended angrily. “It was … nice.”
“You let
a vamp kissyou?” Buffy exclaimed in horror.
“Oh, like
you never…” Dawn shot back, rolling her eyes.
“The
wanker tried to bite ‘er … I … discouraged ‘im from that course o’ action,”
Spike added.
“Bite?!”
Buffy repeated, suddenly more concerned than angry. “Are you alright?” Buffy
asked, reaching out to check her sister for wounds.
“She’s
fine – just a little prick,” Spike assured Buffy, cocking a brow at her to
empathize his double-entendre.
Assured
that Dawn was alright, Buffy suddenly became angry again. “How could you be so
stupid? Have I not taught you anything?!?” she demanded of her sister.
“Honestly, Dawn! Kissing vampires? What were you thinking?”
“Oh, like
you’re so pure!” Dawn defended haughtily, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Maybe you’d like to tell us how Spike got a pair of your underwear … used
underwear – with your scent on them.”
“What … I
… huh?” Buffy stammered, taken off-guard. She looked between Spike and Dawn,
confused.
Spike
clenched his jaw until the muscles twitched and rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell…”
he muttered, unconsciously stuffing his hand down into the duster pocket where
the offending article of clothing resided.
“Spike
has a pair of your undies,” Dawn explained, glaring at her sister, using the old
adage about a good offense being the best defense. “And he used them to prove
that you and I belong to him. That’s how we got away from that bunch of
vamps in the park … mostly. He had to fight Justin, but the rest ran away when
he twirled your thong around on his finger. So, where, oh where, would he have
gotten them?” Dawn asked again, sing-songing the last part.
Spike’s
eyes met Buffy’s for the briefest of moments. Absolute panic flashed across her
features, and he could hear her heart skip a beat or three. Spike’s own heart
sank – he’d let her down – given away her secret. Then a white-hot anger burned
in him – why should he care? She didn’t really care about him, did she? She used
him for what she wanted and ran off – virtue fluttering. She’d toss him under
the bus in a heartbeat, why should he go out of his way to keep her dirty little
secret?
Spike
sighed and clenched his jaw tighter. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t let her
down, no matter what. “No big mystery, is there? Just grabbed ‘em from the
laundry. Stole ‘em, didn’t I?” Spike ground out in answer to Dawn’s accusatory
question.
Buffy
flashed him a small look of gratitude, then her brows furrowed as she picked up
on a different part of the story. “Belong to …” she stammered, her eyes growing
wide.
“Give
them up, fang-boy,” Xander demanded, interrupting her, and moving menacingly
towards the blond vamp, hand extended, palm up.
“Sod off,
Harris,” Spike growled back at him. “Right sure your fat ass wouldn’t fit in
‘em, so it’s none o’ your concern, is it?”
Xander
began to level a retort, but Buffy interrupted him. “I don’t belong to you!” she
snarled at Spike, anger suddenly replacing the gratitude.
Spike
cocked a brow at her. “I’m bloody well aware o’ that, Slayer. Had to say
something t’ get the Niblett outta there, didn’t I? Too many for me to take on
my own and protect ‘er too. Best thing was for them t’ think … you Summers women
were … mine. Protected by … William the Bloody.”
“Oh,
that’s rich,” Xander growled at him. “You just can’t let it go, can you, Spike?
Don’t you get it? Buffy doesn’t want you! She wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot
pole! Why don’t you just get over it and move on? Or better yet, move out!
As in: ‘out of town’. We don’t need you around here and Buffy damn sure doesn’t
want you.”
“That
what you want, luv? Want me t’ shove off … move out, leave ya be?” Spike
challenged, meeting Buffy’s gaze. For once he couldn’t read her. Emotions
ranging from panic, to anger, to fear and sadness flickered through her green eyes
and over her features, none staying long enough for Spike to get a feel for what
she was thinking.
“Xander,
m-m-maybe you shouldn’t …” Tara began, reaching out for his arm.
“What!?”
Xander continued angrily, shaking the witch off. “Obviously Buffy telling him
that she doesn’t want anything to do with him hasn’t made an impression – maybe
if it comes from someone willing to stake him it’ll sink into his thick,
bleached brain.”
“Mind
your manners, Harris. Ya really don’t want t’ piss me off,” Spike snarled back
at him.
“Oh, what
are you gonna do? Chastise me to death? You’re a pathetic excuse for a monster
and a …” Xander shot back.
“Xander …
please …” Buffy interrupted him, moving forward a step towards him.
“Fought
with you lot the whole summer Buffy was gone, I did. Protected the Niblett –
protected your sorry arse, Cap'n Bligh, and this is the thanks I get,” Spike spat back at the
younger man, stepping forward menacingly.
“Spike …
please,” Buffy continued, stepping between the two posturing men as
testosterone-laced anger filled the air between them. “Both of you: please
stop.”
Spike
pursed his lips and stopped moving forward at her request, but he never took his
angry gaze off Xander. Xander was slower to react, moving another step before
Buffy physically stopped him with the palm of her hand on his chest.
“Buffy,
he’s never gonna stop. Now the whole town thinks you and he are … an item or
something. They think he owns you – that he’s claimed you. How
sick and twisted is that?” Xander continued ranting.
Buffy
turned and glared at Xander. “It sounds like he did what he had to do to save
Dawn. Maybe that should be the most important thing instead of what a herd of
vamps … clutch of vamps? Gaggle?” Buffy shook her head, losing her train of
thought.
“Pack,”
Spike offered.
“Right,”
she nodded, getting her wandering train back on track. “Maybe Dawn’s safety
should take a front seat to what a pack of vamps thinks about my … virtue or …
whatever.” She gave Xander her best glare, wishing with all her heart he would
just drop it.
“I hate
to admit this, but perhaps Buffy is correct,” Giles admitted, speaking for the
first time. “And what of Janice – she was also at the park?”
“Got ‘er
out. She should be safe at home by now,” Spike answered Giles, never taking his
eyes off Xander.
“I’ll …
call and make sure,” Tara offered, moving away and out of the foyer.
“I can’t
believe you’re standing here defending him,” Xander continued, returning Buffy’s
glare. “He’s got your underwear! God knows what disgusting things he’s been
doing…”
“Xander!
Shut. Up!” Buffy ordered angrily. Tears stung Buffy’s eyes and she blinked them
back before Xander could see. “It doesn’t matter where he got them. Just, shut
up about it!”
“No! I’m
not gonna let him get away with spreading vicious, nasty rumors about you and
having people think you’re some kind of … skank ho’ that would sleep with a
filthy monster like him!” Xander argued.
“Oi!”
Spike snarled. “Why don’t you shut your gob before…”
“What?!”
Xander interrupted him. “You gonna shut it for me? Like you even could,
Chip-boy! You’re about as scary as the Easter Bunny!”
“Hey!”
Anya objected. “Have you ever met the actual Easter Bunny?!? You wouldn’t
be saying that if you saw the weapons he carried in that wicker basket. All
those pastel colors and eggs are just a ruse. I once saw him take the head off a…”
“Shut up,
Anya,” Xander retorted, not looking at her.
“Don’t
tell me to shut up, Xander Harris!”
“Why
don’t you try somethin’ and we’ll see whose gob gets shut first!” Spike tossed
back at Xander, ignoring Anya.
In a
moment the room had erupted into chaos, with everyone talking and yelling at
once, and Spike and Xander jostling each other with Buffy standing between them.
“STOP IT!
EVERYONE JUST STOP!” Buffy screamed at the top of her lungs, pushing Xander and
Spike apart with brute force.
Everyone
stopped talking, stopped moving, and even stopped breathing for a moment after
her outburst. After a moment, Giles suggested, “Spike, perhaps you should go.”
Spike
looked at Buffy. “That what you want, pet? Me t’ go?”
Buffy met
his gaze, and she could feel the eyes of all her friends on her. There was more
meaning in his words that what they conveyed on the surface. She could see it in
his eyes – those eyes that she couldn’t bring herself to look into when they
were …
She
swallowed hard and those damn tears began to blur her vision again. “I … I just
… want everyone to … get along,” she managed at last, her voice low and shaky.
“Pffft!”
Xander snorted, still angry. “Like anyone could get along with the evil dead
here. Take, take, take – that’s all he’s good for…”
“Goddamnit, Xander!” Buffy snarled, rounding on him. “He saved Dawn tonight,
sounds like he saved all you guys a few times while I was gone – what the fuck
more do you want from him?”
“Those
underwear, for starters,” Xander shot back. “And then Willow can do a disinvite
spell so he can’t steal any more of them.”
Spike
huffed out a breath. “Forget it, luv. Don’t need t’ worry ‘bout ole Spike
sticking his nose in ‘round ‘ere anymore. Bloody ungrateful wankers,” Spike
growled from behind her, his voice resigned.
Buffy
turned around and Spike pressed the lace thong into her palm before spinning on
his heel and disappearing out the still-open front door. “Spike! Don’t …” she
called after him, taking a step forward.
“Good
riddance!” Xander cheered from behind Buffy. “Maybe that air-head Harmony will
take you back. God knows she has no self-respect or scruples! That’s the only
kind of woman that would touch you: a pathetic loser with no brain cells!”
Something
deep inside Buffy which had been pushed to the breaking point snapped in that
moment. It felt like a damn breaking. The weight and constant onslaught of
Xander’s words were like a flash flood, making it impossible for her to contain
her rage another moment longer.
Spike
growled and spun back around at Xander's taunts, but Buffy was faster. She slammed Xander against
the wall next to the stairs, putting a Xander-sized crack in the drywall. “Is
that what you think? Is that what I am? A pathetic, skank-ho, loser with no
self-respect, scruples, or brain cells!?” she demanded of him, losing the battle
with her tears and her anger at the same moment.
“I …
What?” Xander stammered, trying to get his head to stop spinning from the blow
against the wall.
“Spike
didn’t steal these from my house,” Buffy continued, waving the lace thong
in the air, fury and pain flooding out of her with every word. “I left them in
his crypt! I must’ve … forgotten them … after we … I … Oh, God…”
“Actually, those were from the house we destroyed down by the Bronze, luv,”
Spike corrected her.
“W-w-what?” Xander stuttered again, his brown eyes wide with confused horror.
All her
friends were looking at her now with wide, surprised eyes. Well, all except
Tara, who already knew, and Dawn who apparently had suspected. Buffy could feel
their disapproval flooding over her, threatening to drown her. She looked around
and her gaze locked with Spike’s. His blue eyes were so full of concern and
worry and … affection. He’d given her so much – he’d given her a life back.
Willow and her other friends may have reanimated her, but it was Spike that
actually gave her her life back. He’d kept all his promises to her – he’d
protected Dawn, he was still protecting Dawn. He’d fought along-side her friends
and tried to protect Sunnydale while she was dead. He’d tried to keep her secret
by offering an excuse for the underwear that would bring all her friends’
disapproval down on him alone. And now he was offering to go – to leave her
alone, and not subject her to her friends’ disapproval. But according to Xander
all Spike did was ‘take, take, take’… Yeah, right.
“Spike
and I are … well … I’ve been having a hard time since I … came back and he’s
been helping me. We’re … ummm … spending time together … and shit …” she cursed,
trying to find the courage and the words in her jumbled brain. “I’ve been … ummm
… well, we’re … you know … ummm … sleeping together and … and … I need him here
… with me,” Buffy stammered out finally, never taking her eyes off Spike’s.
His gaze
softened even more, the tilt of his head telling her how much that admission
meant to him. He stepped forward in the stunned silence and wrapped her into a
hug and, for the first time, Buffy accepted it. He ran a hand over her short
hair and down her back, soothing her as she cried against him, all the while
glaring at Xander over the top of her head, daring the young man to say
anything.
Xander,
true to form, took the challenge. “Buffy, have you lost your mind?”
Buffy
pulled away from Spike with a growl and spun to face Xander. “Yes! Yes! I’ve
lost my mind! I think I might’ve left it in heaven! You know, that nice,
peaceful place I was before you guys all decided you needed me back here!”
Willow
visibly cringed; Xander bit his lip and looked at the floor, unable to meet
Buffy’s gaze. She’d told them this before during the crazy, bare-your-soul
singing and dancing spell that Mr. Sweet had spun on them, but it was still a
sore spot – or perhaps more like a raw, oozing, gaping wound. Apart from that admission,
Buffy hadn’t really talked to anyone other than Spike about exactly what that
had meant to her and her … recovery from death.
“You guys
yanked me out of the most beautiful, peaceful place I’ve ever …” Buffy voice
broke and she had to close her eyes and take in a few deep breaths to calm down.
Spike laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and she blew her breath out slowly,
then opened her eyes.
She
continued in a calm voice, addressing Xander, but speaking to them all. “When I
got back here, everything was just … dull and gray. I felt like I’d been pulled
out of heaven and tossed into hell. I … couldn’t feel anything. But none
of you wanted to hear that – you just wanted to hear that I was fine,
that everything was fine. You just wanted me to grovel at your feet and
lavish my gratitude on you. Well, newsflash: I wasn’t fine … I’m not fine.
But I’m better – thanks to Spike.
“He’s
helped me … feel again. He’s the only one that didn’t stand around
insisting that I be fine! He’s the only one of you that didn’t … conspire
to bring me back.” At that, Giles cleared his throat, and Dawn raised her hand.
“Along with Giles and Dawn…” Buffy amended quickly, before getting back to her
rant. “He’s the only one that found that slender thread of emotion that got left
behind. He found it and started tugging on it and … he’s helped me find what I
was missing – what you people left behind when you brought my body and mind
back. He listened without judging me; he’s been there when no one else
was – understood when no one else could.”
There
were a few moments of uncomfortable, stunned silence before Dawn said brightly,
“Well, I think it’s awesome! It’s about time, too! You guys are sooo perfect for
each other. You’ve always bickered like an old married couple, anyway – you
might as well get the perks to go with it.”
Buffy
huffed out a tired laugh and shook her head. “Thanks, but you’re still in
trouble. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about kissing vamps in the park.”
Dawn
rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest belligerently.
“Buffy …
I swear I didn’t know. You know I wouldn’t have…” Willow started, tears staining
her face.
“I know,
Wills. I know you thought you were helping me,” Buffy acknowledged sadly,
drawing her best girlfriend into a hug.
“I still
don’t understand how you could turn to him …” Xander began, spitting the
last word out as he glared at Spike. Buffy and Willow released their hug and
stared at him, shocked that he could still be so bitter. “He doesn’t even have a
soul!” Xander reminded her.
Buffy’s
mouth hardened into a thin line. “And yet he’s the one that could see how much I
was hurting and made some effort to help me. Maybe that should tell you
something about yourself, Xander Harris.”
Xander
blanched, staring at her like she’d physically slapped him. “B-but … it’s
Spike!” he objected lamely.
Anya
poked her fiancé in the ribs, hard. “Get over it, Xander,” she advised him
harshly. “You aren’t Buffy’s keeper – it’s not any of your business.”
“But I’m
her friend!” Xander argued. “And I don’t want to see her hurt…”
“I think
it’s too late for that,” Anya pointed out. “And we’re the ones who hurt her. If
Spike helps her, then you should be happy. You should probably thank him for
helping your friend. That is customary, I believe, in polite, civilized
society.”
Spike
smirked. “Don’t ‘ave to actually say it; could just buy me a pint at the Bronze,
Special Ed.”
“That’ll
be the day,” Xander grumbled under his breath.
“I think
I’ll take my fiancé home now, before he sticks his foot any further into his big
mouth. And he says I should watch what I say,” Anya offered, grabbing
Xander’s arm and dragging him out, keeping him as far away from Spike as
possible.
“I should
go too,” Tara excused, giving Buffy a hug. “Are you sure you’re ok?” the witch
whispered into the Slayer’s ear so no one else could hear.
Buffy
nodded and returned her hug. “Thanks.”
Tara gave
her a crooked smile, and ducked her head shyly before heading out behind Xander
and Anya.
Giles
cleared his throat. “May I have a private word, Spike? In the kitchen?”
Buffy
grabbed Spike’s hand. “Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of me,”
she asserted.
Giles
cast an uncomfortable glance at Dawn. Willow took the hint, grabbed the younger
Summers’ arm, and began leading her up the stairs. “C’mon, Dawnie – tell me
about this vamp. Was he cute?”
When they
were out of sight, Buffy turned her eyes back to her Watcher. “Don’t lecture me,
Giles. I’m not sixteen anymore and … it didn’t do any good even when I was.”
“I hadn’t
intended on lecturing you, Buffy. You’re quite old enough to know the risks
you’re taking. I’m not certain Spike is quite so well-informed, however,” Giles
offered in a deadly calm voice, turning his eyes to the blond vamp.
“Just say
what’s on your mind, Watcher,” Spike prompted impatiently.
“Yes,
well, as you know, Buffy has many friends who are all quite adept at handling
stakes and such …”
“And if I
hurt ‘er, you’ll stake me good and proper,” Spike finished for Giles
sardonically. “Sing me a new one, Watcher – that one’s getting old.”
“Actually, what I was going to say is if you hurt her, I doubt that any of her
friends would have the opportunity to display our skills, as it would likely be
the Slayer herself who would stake you ‘good and proper’, as you say,” Giles
corrected, giving Spike a wintry smile.
Spike
pursed his lips and nodded. “If I hurt ‘er, then I deserve t’ be staked good and
proper.”
“Indeed,”
Giles agreed. He cleared his throat again. “Well, I would retire to my room, but
I believe we’re standing in it,” he offered, waving a hand at the couch.
“It’s ok
… I’ll … be back in a few minutes,” Buffy said tentatively as she pulled on
Spike’s hand and started for the still-open front door. “I’m just gonna walk
Spike home.”
The pair
walked in silence all the way to Spike’s crypt, but she didn’t pull her hand out
of his. Spike really didn’t know what she had in mind now. Obviously, she wanted
to say something to him, but whatever it was, it was taking her some time to
compose it. He wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.
Buffy
stopped at the door to his crypt and turned to face him. Spike studied her face,
her eyes, for some sign of what she was about to say. Surely she wouldn’t send
him packing now, after admitting to her friends what was going on … would she?
What if she realized she didn’t need him anymore? Now that the full truth was
out in the open, why would she need her secret-keeper? Spike bit his bottom lip
to keep from blurting out something poncy and stupid as he waited for her to say
something.
Finally,
she took a deep breath and began. “Spike, I know I haven’t been … well …
anything to you,” she started.
“That’s
not true, Buffy. You’re … you’re bloody everythin’ to me,” he corrected.
“No –
that’s not what I mean. I mean I haven’t been …” She sighed and started again,
“I’ve just been using you and it hasn’t been fair and … I’m sorry. You’ve been
the one giving and all I’ve been doing is taking.”
“Don’t
mind the takin’, Slayer,” Spike assured her. “Take me anytime ya want,” he
offered, giving her a smoldering leer.
Buffy
rolled her eyes but snorted a soft laugh. “I’m not saying this right,” she
admitted. Tears stung her eyes again and she blinked to hold them back. “I’m not
any good at this … I’m not … really good at … relationships.”
“Do we
have a relationship, Slayer?” Spike wondered, tilting his head to study her and
immediately wishing he’d kept his big mouth shut.
“No … see
– I don’t know what we have, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a relationship. It’s …
just … this,” she offered vaguely, waving her free hand in the air.
“Right …”
Spike agreed tentatively, still not sure where she was going. “And this thing we
got, it’s …” he let his voice trail off in a question.
“It’s …
not enough. I’m sorry, William – I’m really … sorry,” Buffy apologized, looking
down at the ground, unable to meet those intense blue eyes another moment.
Spike
nodded and released her hand. “Right – not enough,” he repeated numbly. “Can’t
have a proper relationship with a soulless monster … I get it,” he said morosely, as he
pushed the door to his crypt open. “Hope you find what you’re lookin’ for,
Buffy. Let me know when ya do – wouldn’t want t’ miss the bloody parade.”
“What?
No! Spike, wait!” she objected as he stepped past her into the crypt and started
to shut the door in her face. She pushed the door open again, making Spike
stumble back a step from it.
“You’re
such a dope sometimes!” she exclaimed, waving her arms out angrily. “It isn’t
enough because it’s only been one-sided! That’s not a relationship – that’s a …
ummm … well, I don’t exactly have an example of something that is one-sided, but
that’s what we have.”
Spike
furrowed his brow. “A Möbius strip,” he offered.
“Huh?”
“A Möbius
strip is one-sided,” he clarified. It's also unending, ironic that, he
added to himself.
“Oh – ok
…” Buffy agreed. “So, we’ve had a Möbius strip … not a relationship. Hey – that
rhymes!” she grinned at her own impromptu poem, trying to disperse some of her
nervousness.
Spike
cocked a brow at her. “Reckon you’ll be published any day with prose like that,
pet.”
Buffy
shook her head and waved a dismissive hand in the air. “The point is … I think I
want a relationship. A two-sided one that involves things like me … giving and
maybe … listening and … even … possibly … caring.”
Buffy bit
her bottom lip and nodded tentatively. “When you … When you offered to leave
tonight I just … I suddenly realized that I didn’t want that. I didn’t want you
to go and it was more than, well … physical. I realized that I’d miss you. I’d
miss your annoying barbs and cocky attitude and stupid jokes and suggestive
comments and … just you. I’d miss you.”
“Yeah?”
Spike asked, awestruck. The tilt of his head reminded Buffy of the RCA dog.
“Yeah,”
Buffy admitted softly, reaching a hand out to touch his bruised face gently.
Spike leaned into her small, warm hand and closed his eyes. He was afraid this
was a dream and he’d wake up any moment. He didn’t want it to end – ever.
“Spike,
I’m warning you: I’m not good at this. I’m bitchy and selfish and … well, just a
royal pain in the ass, I guess. So, I’m not making any promises about any of
that changing, but, if you’re willing to overlook those minor character flaws,
then …”
Spike
opened his eyes and smirked at her. “I reckon I could make some allowances for
ya, pet,” he agreed. “But you gotta give me somethin’ in return.”
“Okaay,”
Buffy drawled out suspiciously. “Like what?”
“Make
love with me,” he replied, his voice a deep rumble of emotion.
“Spike,
we just …”
“No –
we’ve never, pet. Make. Love. Not ‘ave sex,” he clarified adamantly. “Sex with
you is bloody brilliant … don’t wanna lose that, but I want t’ make love with
you too.”
Buffy’s
skin flushed slightly but she nodded her understanding. “Okay … when?”
Spike bit
his bottom lip a moment, then said, “Tomorrow night – here. Eight?”
Buffy
nodded again. “Okay, I’ll … see you then.”
“I … uhhh
… I’ll be here,” Spike stammered. He started to say ‘I love you,’ but decided at
the last moment not to push her. She’d come so far so quickly; he didn’t want to
drive a stake through the glimmer of hope she'd given him.
Buffy
gave him a tremulous smile and lifted up onto her toes to touch her lips to his.
It was a soft, gentle kiss that belied the passion and power that he knew lurked
beneath. It was a kiss like she’d only given him once before: after he'd been
tortured and nearly killed by Glory. The gesture weakened his
knees with its tenderness, his throat tightened with emotion, and his unbeating
heart jumped in his chest.
“Tomorrow,” she whispered to him before turning and heading out into the night.
**~**
Dirty Little Secret, by
The All-American Rejects
Let me know that I've done wrong,
When I've known this all along,
I go around a time or two,
Just to waste my time with you.
Tell me all that you've thrown away,
Find out games you don't wanna play,
You are the only one that needs to know--
I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret,
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret,
Who has to know?
When we live such fragile lives,
It's the best way we survive,
I go around a time or two,
Just to waste my time with you,
Tell me all that you've thrown away,
find out games you don't wanna play,
you are the only one that needs to know---
I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret,
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret.
Who has to know?
The way she feels inside (inside!)
Those thoughts I can't deny (can't deny!)
These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie!)
And all I've tried to hide
It's eating me apart
Trace this life back!
I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret.
(Just another regret)
I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret,
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret,
Dirty little secret,
Dirty little secret.
Who has to know?
Who has to know?
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