Monday, January 18^th, 2010, 6:00am:

Buffy woke up early and, with Annie helping her with the twins, had gotten the kids ready for school, letting Spike sleep in.  All three children now rode the bus to school – Annie still attended the magnet school that Buffy remembered, which focused on languages and other cultures, alongside more typical elementary school curriculum; the twins were in kindergarten at one of the ‘regular’ elementary schools in town, Wilkins Elementary.  Buffy didn’t much like the sound of that … a school named after the former mayor and half of the tribunal that condemned Spike’s soul to hell, but figured she and Spike must’ve checked it out before letting them go there.

It seemed nearly criminal to Buffy for them to have to catch a bus at 7:15am and start school at 8:00 … but that was the schedule. Luckily, the bus stop was just a couple of doors down from the mansion, on the corner of Crawford Street and Ennis Drive. Buffy walked with them and waited with the other parents until the buses came, trying her best not to talk to anyone, since she had no idea what any of their names were, which ones she liked or didn’t like or what had transpired over the last years.  Luckily, all the other parents seemed just as sleepy as she was, and many waited in their cars for the buses to arrive, so she didn’t have to interact with anyone on this morning.

Annie’s bus came first, then the twins’. Buffy kissed her kids goodbye and tried not to tear up as she watched her babies climb up the tall stairs and take their seats on the big yellow bus – another milestone she’d missed, their first day of school. She watched the bus as it traveled down Ennis, stopping a few blocks down to pick up more children, then it turned a corner and was out of sight. Buffy sighed heavily and looked around – she was the only parent left, all the others had left as soon as the kids were safely on the bus. She turned and started walking back towards the mansion alone, pulling her coat closed and hugging her arms around her torso – she suddenly felt ice cold.  Every time Buffy was alone, she had to keep assuring herself that it was just temporary, they would come back – everything would be ok.  She kept telling herself that they were just at school – they’d be back that afternoon … there was no need to worry, but it was hard to convince her heart of that, and it ached to have them back home, back in her arms.

Since she knew Spike was still sleeping and would be for a while, Buffy decided to try and take her mind off the kids by going to see Giles.  She had wanted to get a Scooby meeting together as soon as possible, but with everyone’s hectic schedules, and Willow and Tara not being able to come until the weekend, it wouldn’t be as soon as she’d like.  She had some things she wanted to say to Giles in private, though – before the meeting, so when she got to the mansion, she just walked past – heading towards downtown and the Magic Box.

Buffy stopped at the Espresso Pump and got a cup of coffee and a danish for herself and Giles, then made her way to the Magic Box, hoping that her Watcher, or ex-Watcher, would be there alone.

Buffy looked in the window of the magic store and saw Giles readying the shop for opening time.  She knocked on the door and held the bag of danishes and coffee up for him to see.  Giles smiled brightly as he walked over an unlocked the front door for her.

“Buffy! What a pleasant surprise!” he started happily, then a worried look crossed his features. What is she doing here at this hour? “Is everything all right? The children? Spike?”

Buffy gave him a warm smile as she entered the store. “Everyone’s fine … I just wanted to see you, is that so hard to believe?”

“Before 8:00am? I fear I’d have to say ‘yes’,” Giles informed her as he closed and locked the door behind her.

Buffy sat the coffee and danishes down on the table near the back of the store and turned and waited for him to join her. When he got near, Buffy pulled her Watcher into a tight hug, taking him by surprise. “I don’t tell you enough, but I hope you know that I love you,” she told him as he got over the initial shock and returned her hug.

“I love you too, Buffy … However, there may be much less of me to love if you squeeze my entrails out…” Giles gasped as she squeezed him tighter.

“Oh! Sorry!” Buffy apologized, releasing him quickly and stepping back.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” Giles questioned as he sat down and helped himself to one of the sweet rolls.

“Everything’s fine now … I think … I just, well, something happened and I need to have a Scooby meeting with everyone. Tara and Willow are coming this weekend – maybe we can do it Saturday night after closing?” Buffy questioned as she took the other danish and started picking at it with her fingers, absentmindedly putting small bites into her mouth as she talked.

“Certainly … I can be there,” Giles confirmed. “Do you need me to do something in the meantime? Research, perhaps? What is it that’s happened?”

Buffy sighed deeply. “I really just want to go over it once … you’ll understand why afterwards, and the research can wait too. But I do need you to do something for me …”

“Of course, Buffy, anything you need,” Giles offered, taking a sip of the coffee to wash down the sweet roll.

“I need you to start going out … dating … maybe call Olivia …”

“Beg pardon?” Giles sputtered, spitting coffee out over the table, taken off guard by her request.

“Giles – you’ve been here alone since … well, for a long time, and it’s just wrong. I know you loved Jenny and I’m so sorry for what Angel did …” tears welled in Buffy’s eyes as she thought about all that she’d heaped on her Watcher over her time in Sunnydale – all that he’d sacrificed for her, for the mission. “I may not have told you before, but I’m really sorry for what I’ve put you through, for Angel and … and Angelus – what he did to you and … and to Jenny. You deserve to be happy, you should get out there and ... I don’t know – do something for you for once, before it’s too late.”

“I may seem to have one foot in the grave, but I can assure you, Buffy, that I do not,” Giles defended, thinking she was taking a pot-shot at his age.

“No! That’s not what I mean!” Buffy clarified, standing up and pacing back and forth near the table. “Anything can happen to anyone at anytime – it’s not about how old you are or how healthy you are or any of that … it’s about living and loving and having someone to share your life with. Being alone is … well, it’s lonely and it sucks.”

Buffy stopped pacing and looked at him. “You liked Olivia, right? She liked you? Why don’t you at least call her … maybe she’s still … you know, waiting for you to call,” Buffy suggested sincerely.

“I seriously doubt she’s waited this long, Buffy … and I’m fairly certain that my … ummm … love life isn’t …”

“Don’t you dare tell me that it’s none of my business!” Buffy interrupted him. “You’re like a father to me – in fact, you’re more of a father than my father ever was. You’ve given me lots of good advice over the years, not that I took all of it … but, that’s beside the point. Now it’s my turn to give you some. Call Olivia – go to England if you have to – you never know if you don’t try!”

“Buffy … what’s brought on this sudden concern about my … social life?”

Buffy sighed and plopped back down in her seat. “Giles, just trust me when I say that life’s too short waste even one minute away from the people that you care about … it’s too short to spend alone when you could be with someone that loves you – someone that you love.”

“Buffy, I’m not alone – I have wonderful friends, you and Spike, Xander and Anya, and the children, you’re all like family to me … and Willow and Tara with the …” Giles started.

“No … no, it’s not the same, Giles!” Buffy interrupted him. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Buffy pressed, the vision of the bitter and lonely Giles from the Spike-less wish-world was burned in her mind’s eye. Even after all the years since she’d seen him, the resentful and angry man that he’d become in that world was like a dagger to her heart. “You said you’d do anything I need … well, this is what I need. I need you to call Olivia. Just one call – if she tells you to ‘sod off’ … then fine, I won’t mention it again,” Buffy promised.

Giles sighed heavily, taking his glasses off and polishing them furiously for several moments. Finally, he looked back up at her and slipped his glasses back on. “Very well, if it’s that important to you…”

Buffy smiled and jumped up from her seat, throwing her arms around his shoulders as he still sat in his chair and squeezing him tight. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Air … air!” Giles gasped as she hugged all the oxygen from his lungs.

After visiting for a while longer, Anya came in, turning the ‘Open’ sign around on the door and leaving it unlocked.  Buffy confirmed with her that she and Xander could also make a Scooby meeting Saturday night before saying goodbye to them both and starting for the door as customers started filing in.

“Buffy …” Giles called after her.

“Yeah?” she answered, as she turned to look back at him.

“It wasn’t your fault …” Giles told her sincerely. “What Angelus did – it wasn’t your fault.”

Buffy shrugged, unconvinced. “See you Saturday …”

Tuesday, January 19^th, 2010, 6:30am:

“Buffy, luv,” Spike whispered in his wife’s ear as she lay sleeping in their bed.

“Mmmm?” Buffy moaned and rolled over away from him.

“Slayer … put this on, pet,” Spike continued, rolling her back over and holding her robe out to her.

“Huh?” Buffy questioned, finally opening her eyes and squinting against the overhead light that he’d turned on.

“Put this on, the Bits got sumthin’ for ya,” Spike explained.

“What time is it?” Buffy asked, sitting up. Actually, it was a complaint more than a question.

“They wanted to see ya’ ‘fore the school bus got ‘ere,” Spike explained.

“Okay…” Buffy agreed groggily before pulling on her robe, standing up to cinch the belt then plopping back down on the bed and closing her eyes again.  She’d heard Spike get up earlier and knew that he was getting them ready for school. She’d tried to wake up enough to get up and help him, but ‘five more minutes’ had turned into nearly an hour.  The previous night after dinner, they had all spent a long time looking through scrapbooks and photo albums … report cards and Christmas cards. After everyone else had gone to sleep, Buffy got back up and looked through all the memorabilia again … and again, and again, studying each photo, each drawing, trying to commit them all to memory. So many milestones that she’d missed, so many vacations and parties and lost teeth and scraped knees. It had been nearly four in the morning when she’d finally come to bed and gotten to sleep. 

As she sat with her eyes closed and waited for the ‘Bits’ to say ‘bye’ to her before the bus came, she vowed to get to bed – to sleep – earlier on school nights. Luckily Spike was off work last night, but it wouldn’t be fair for Spike to work all night and then get up early and tend to the kids, too – she needed to make sure she pulled her weight.

A chorus of small voices screaming, “SURPRISE!” made Buffy’s eyes fly open. Annie was standing in the middle, with Dani and Billy on either side of her. Her eldest daughter held a tray of food out in front of her. The main attraction on the tray was a tall stack of chocolate chip pancakes smothered in strawberry sauce, whipped cream, and topped with a brightly burning birthday candle.

“Oh God!” Buffy exclaimed. Her birthday! It was her birthday!  She’d completely forgotten it … she’d stopped celebrating birthdays five years ago, just as she vowed to Dawn that she would do. Birthdays led to badness!

As Annie moved into the room with the tray of food, the children all began singing, “Happy Birthday” and Buffy’s throat and stomach tightened into knots. No, no … no birthdays! Please, no!

As the children sang and got closer to her, the aroma of chocolate and strawberries, along with bacon and eggs and coffee, wafted from the tray and filled Buffy’s senses with … nausea. “Oh God…” Buffy said weakly, before covering her mouth with her hand. She jumped up and slid past the children and Spike, who was behind them, running out the door and down the hall to the bathroom.  She barely made it to the sink before the bile hit the back of her throat – she had to stop there, she’d never make it to the toilet. Buffy leaned over the sink as wave after wave of nausea wracked her body, bringing up nothing but acrid, yellow liquid from her empty stomach.

When the waves had passed, Buffy rinsed her mouth and face off and slumped down onto the cool tile floor, leaning her back against one wall. She wrapped her arms over her stomach, pulled her knees up towards her chest, and leaned forward in an effort to keep the nausea from returning. “It’s ok …it’s ok … everything’s ok,” she assured herself over and over again.

“You alright?” Spike asked as he crouched down next to her and put hand on her face to check for a fever.

“Yeah … I just … I probably ate something that didn’t agree with me,” Buffy hedged, not wanting to tell him about her vow to not have any more birthdays, keeping her head down against her knees. “I’m sorry … they worked so hard on that, didn’t they?”

“No worries…” Spike assured her as he moved his hand down from her face to her shoulder and gave her a comforting squeeze.

Buffy finally looked up into his eyes. “Spike … I’m so sorry, I just …” Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking back at him and continuing. “I just panicked … I lost everything on my birthday … I … birthdays frighten me,” she admitted as tears stung her eyes.

“Bloody hell … I didn’t … I didn’t think. I’m sorry, luv,” Spike apologized as went to his knees next to her and pulled her into a hug. Of course she’d told him it was her birthday when everything had gone pear shaped for her, but it had become a tradition for the kids to make Buffy breakfast in bed on her birthday and he didn’t think…

“Mama?” came a small voice from behind Spike.

Buffy wiped her eyes quickly and put on a smile. “I’m ok, honey. I’m sorry …” she apologized to Billy as Spike released her from the hug and stood back up. Buffy held her hand out to her son and he took his father’s place in her arms.  “I love you so much,” Buffy whispered to him as she hugged her sweet boy to her. 

Buffy looked up from the embrace to see Dani and Annie waiting in the doorway and Buffy reached a hand out to them and soon she had all her children in her arms, still on the floor of the bathroom.  “I love you all so much,” she told them. “Thank you so much for the breakfast, it looked wonderful.”

“You didn’t make your wish,” Annie reminded her.

“That’s ok, honey … everything I could ever wish for is right here in this room,” Buffy assured her.

“Wow, you must really love this baf-room!” Dani exclaimed.

Buffy laughed despite herself and nodded. “Yeah … I sure do.”

**~**

Saturday, January 23^rd, 2010:

Willow and Tara arrived at the mansion, as promised, about mid-morning. The kids had just finished their breakfasts and were ‘discussing’ which cartoons to watch on TV.   The witches dropped their bags near the stairs and wandered into the kitchen where Buffy and Spike were still sitting at the table working on getting the gumption to either do the dishes or referee the cartoon ‘discussion’.

“Hey guys!” Willow called cheerfully as she walked into the kitchen in front of Tara.

“Willow!!”  Buffy exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing her friend into a tight hug.

“Uhhh … witch, remember? Not Slayer!” Willow protested as Buffy squeezed her so tight she thought her eyeballs were going to pop out.

“Oh, God – sorry!” Buffy apologized, releasing her quickly.

Buffy turned to Tara, ready to give her a hug, as well, but stopped dead in her tracks. “Tara! You’re … you’re pregnant!” Buffy exclaimed as her eyes went wide, taking in Tara’s full, round belly.

“Am I? Oh, thank goodness, I thought I was just getting really fat!” Tara joked, rubbing a hand over her swollen abdomen.

Buffy looked from Willow to Tara then to Spike. “You … you didn’t tell me!” she accused her husband, before turning back to the witches.

“How? Who? When?” Buffy questioned looking from one to the other of her friends.

Willow and Tara both looked at her strangely – Buffy knew how, who, and when…

Spike moved up behind Buffy and put his arms on her shoulders. Rupert … ‘bout seven months ago, he sent to her through their bond.

“GILES!” Buffy exclaimed, her eyes as large a saucers. “Giles is the father?! You slept with Giles? You had sex with Giles?” she asked horrified, looking at Tara with wide eyes. No wonder Giles didn’t want to call Olivia – he’s having an affair with Tara!

“Buffy! What’s wrong with you?” Willow asked her friend, her brow furrowed in concern.

“Slayer’s havin’ a bit of a memory problem of late, girls …” Spike explained.  “Rupe donated the wigglies …” Spike clarified for Buffy.

Buffy looked at him, still confused. “Huh?”

“Wanked off in a cup …” Spike elaborated.

“Giles ‘wanked off’?” Buffy asked, shaking her head, trying to get that image to go away, not sure which was worse; Giles having sex with Tara or wanking off.

“Buffy, I was artificially inseminated,” Tara explained patiently. “Mr. Giles … Rupert, was the donor.”

“Oh … artificial … right … of course,” Buffy stammered, unable to take her eyes off Tara’s abdomen. “Congratulations,” she offered tentatively, raising her eyes to Tara’s and then looking back to Willow.

After a moment, when it finally sank in, Buffy pulled Tara into an easy hug and then hugged Willow again. “That’s so great, you guys! You’re gonna have a baby! Is it a boy or a girl? When are you due? When’s the shower? Oh, God … I didn’t miss it, did I?”

Willow and Tara gave Spike a questioning look. “Just play along … all will be explained t’night,” he told the witches.

“It’s a boy. I’m due March 9^th and no, you haven’t missed the shower …” Tara told her.

“But you are supposed to be helping with it,” Willow added quickly.

“Oh God! I can’t believe it! You guys are gonna be Moms!” Buffy gushed, reaching her hand out to touch Tara’s tummy. “You’re gonna have a little witch … or is a boy a warlock? Awwww … that’s gonna be so cute, a little magical pagan baby … he’ll be levitating things before he can walk!”

“Oh my! I sincerely hope not,” Giles interjected as he walked into the room behind the witches – he’d stopped in to pick up a couple of books from the research library when he heard voices in the kitchen.

“Giles!” Buffy exclaimed, stepping past Willow to grab her Watcher into a tight hug. “You’re gonna be a dad!”

“Indeed …” Giles intoned dryly, returning her hug, but in truth he was ecstatic about the idea. He’d been gobsmacked when Tara and Willow had asked him to be the sperm donor – he’d long ago given up any hope of having any children of his own, content to look on Buffy as his de facto daughter and her children as his grandchildren. His only regret was how far away Willow and Tara lived; it would be hard to spend as much time with his son as he’d like, but he knew Willow and Tara would give him a loving and happy home and he’d be able to spoil the boy rotten several times a year then hand him back to his loving mothers.

“Have you picked a name?” Buffy asked, as she released Giles and stepped back.

“We haven’t decided yet…” Willow began. “Rupert is a possibility, but we’ll probably go with Edmond …”

“Who’s Edmond?” Buffy questioned, looking from Willow to Tara.

“I am …” Giles interjected. “My middle name.”

“Oh – wow! I never knew you had a middle name! Did you know Spike’s middle name is W… oomph!” Buffy started before Spike silenced her, pulling her back against his chest and holding his hand over her mouth.

Don’t you bloody dare! Spike sent her through their bond.

What?! I like it! I think it’s cute! Buffy sent back, as she tried to pry his hand off her mouth.

Not bloody ‘cute’ … vampire, remember? Badass vampires are not bloody ‘cute’! Spike protested indignantly.

“Sorry, what was that? W-oomph?” Willow asked with a smile – certain that whatever it was, Spike didn’t want them to know.

“Wicked … m’ middle name is Wicked, Evil, and Mean … and I’ll bloody well prove it if ya’ keep on, Slayer,” Spike threatened, still holding his hand over her mouth.

Buffy started laughing behind his hand, then suddenly she felt the nausea that she’d had off and on since her birthday start building again. Let me go! NOW! Buffy screamed silently to him and Spike released her just in time for her to make it to the garbage can and heave her breakfast into it.

“Oh, Buffy! Are you ok?” Willow asked, moving towards her friend, but Buffy couldn’t answer, she could barely breathe as the dry heaves continued even after the food was gone.

Finally, the nausea passed and Buffy leaned over the sink and washed her face and mouth, splashing the cool water up and on the back of her neck as she rested on the edge of the counter.

“Are you sick? Is it the flu or something?” Tara asked with concern, backing up away from her.  She didn’t need to get sick now, not seven months pregnant.

“No … I don’t think so … just food isn’t sitting too well with me lately,” Buffy explained as she grabbed a towel and dried her face and hands. “I’ll be fine – it’s probably just … nerves or stress…”

“Are you sure?” Tara asked with concern. “’Cos your aura looks a little … off.”

Buffy shook her head. “I’m surprised I even have an aura …” At Willow, Tara, and Giles’ confused looks, Buffy shrugged. “I’ll explain at the meeting tonight…” she assured them.

**~**

Later that evening …

Around 9:30 that night, with all the children (including JJ) tucked in bed upstairs, Buffy began a tale of a world without Spike; a tale of a wish and of lost friends, stolen children, a woeful Watcher, and unintended consequences.  It was well after midnight now, and all her friends sat in stunned silence as they let her story sink in – as they tried to come to grips with what she’d been through and how she’d lost five years of memories, but had, in the end, saved them all. At first her tale seemed unbelievable … like perhaps she was pulling a prank on them, but the longer she talked, the more heart-wrenching her story became and the clearer it was that it was no joke – it was real.  Buffy left out some details in her story, like Spike trying to kill her and what had happened between her and William in the Common, simply saying that she’d managed to drive William into Dru’s arms but not elaborating further.

Xander pushed his drink away … it had been his seventh or eighth … maybe tenth, Jack and Coke he’d had since arriving for the Scooby meeting; he’d actually lost count, but he suddenly had no desire for more - ever. He’d always feared that he’d turn into his father and it suddenly dawned on him, as Buffy told how he’d died from a drug overdose in the ‘wish-world’ she’d been living in, that he had fulfilled his worst nightmare. Like a neon bar sign lighting up over his head, Xander realized that if he continued down this path, he would surpass even his father’s ‘accomplishments’; he would never embarrass his teenage son with his drinking … because he wouldn’t be around to see JJ become a teenager.

Faith took Xander’s abandoned drink and downed it in a couple of large gulps, happy for a little mind-numbing whiskey at that point to wash down the bad taste in her mouth that Buffy’s story had left. She wondered if the witches could reincarnate Hallie so that Faith could kill her again…

Willow and Tara were both weeping openly as they huddled together, their hands laid lovingly on the baby boy growing within Tara, and thought of losing not only the life that they had built as a couple, but of their baby and the bright future that he had in front of him – a future with endless possibilities. Tara couldn’t imagine what Willow in the Spike-less world had gone through. How traumatic a life she must’ve lived for Willow to have lost her mind so completely. It stabbed at Tara’s heart to think of what the love of her life would’ve suffered in that scenario. It would’ve been a living hell for Willow … to be alive but unable to think clearly, unable to formulate ideas, unable to communicate, to speak or write or read; it would’ve been a living hell for the red witch. Tara was sure, in that world, she had gotten the better fate – Willow’s was a fate worse than death.

Giles removed his glasses for the hundredth time – he’d quit even the pretense of cleaning them long ago, and now set them down on the research table and rubbed tiredly at his eyes and the bridge of his nose.  Now he understood Buffy’s early morning visit earlier in the week … now he understood her contention that he should take a chance at happiness and her apology for Angelus.  His heart ached for his Slayer … for his daughter in every sense but blood, for what she’d been through and how she’d fought for her family … how she’d fought for them all.  He was concerned about her admission that she’d killed Hallie … killed a human, but he couldn’t argue with her point that letting the ex-demon live wasn’t an option, and there was no one else that could’ve exacted the punishment to fit the crime. He hoped that it wouldn’t weigh heavily on her heart … killing a human, even if deserved, wasn’t something to take lightly – just ask Spike.

Anya was furious that an ex-vengeance demon – someone that Buffy claimed to have been Anya’s friend and colleague, would’ve done such a thing to them. Causalities of war, indeed!  Anya, of course, didn’t remember Hallie … or Halfrek, she’d never heard of her, but Buffy was sure … adamant even, that she had been one of Anya’s closest friends in the ‘pre-wish’ world.  Anya suddenly felt foolish for her complaints to Buffy just a few days ago about ‘forever’ being longer than she thought it would be. Despite the hard times they were having lately, she did still love Xander and their son was growing up to be a handsome and sweet boy – not the axe murderer that Anya had once feared he’d grow up to be.  ‘Forever’ suddenly seemed like a blink of the eye … ‘forever’ could arrive at any moment.

Wesley and Fred sat on the perimeter of the meeting. They had been officially dating for three years now – the only thing keeping them from taking the next step was Angel.  Fred was loyal to the man that rescued her from Pylea and continued to work for Angel Investigations in L.A.; Wesley had no sympathy for Angel after the vampire had tricked them all into getting his soul removed (along with Spike’s) and nearly killed his Slayer several years ago. So, their relationship was in a holding pattern – seeing each other only on weekends, holidays or vacations; either Fred would come to Sunnydale and see Wes or he would go to L.A. ... neither wanting to let the relationship die a natural death but also neither of them giving in on the subject of Angel.  Wes found Buffy’s story that he went behind Angel’s back to help her in the Spike-less world somehow ironic, given the current state of affairs – the irony wasn’t lost on Fred, either.

Fred knew all too well how easily a word could change life as you know it … being sucked into a portal after reading an incantation in an ancient tome had flipped her life upside down. It had turned her from a respected graduate student at UCLA into a ‘cow’ … living in solitude and fear for five long years in Pylea – until Angel saved her.  As much as she loved and respected Wes, she couldn’t just turn her back on the man that got her out of that hell – the man that gave her a second chance at life.  She could empathize with Buffy – living in solitude and feeling like the whole world had abandoned you … she knew those feelings very well.  As good as Fred was at calculating abstract physics equations, she had no idea how to meld the two parts of her personal life together, and she often felt like she was being pulled apart at the seams as her heart battled itself – part of it wanting to make a life with the man she loved and the other part wanting to remain loyal to the man that saved her.  But the moral of Buffy’s story was also clear to Fred – cherish the time you have with the ones you love, because tomorrow may never come.

Lorne also sat on the perimeter of the meeting, taking in Buffy’s epic tale. His heart broke for what Buffy had lived through; he knew perhaps better than anyone how close she and Spike were, how their souls completed each other, and how difficult it must’ve been for her to go on all those years without him.  The anger she felt must have been all consuming to give her the will to continue to fight, even when it was clear that she would never be able to win the war. He could see the scabs on her soul as she spoke; deep, gaping wounds that had begun to heal over.  He wondered if they would ever fully disappear … he doubted it, the scars would remain forever. He felt guilty for not being able to warn them of the imminent danger before it happened – although Buffy said that he had done a reading and told them of the strange ‘nothingness’ that he’d gotten off Spike, he hadn’t been able to give them any specific warning.  He wasn’t sure if there would’ve been anything they could’ve done to prevent it, but he still felt partly responsible for the years both of his friends had spent suffering without each other.  He sometimes wondered what good his ability was – fuzzy visions of the future were of little practical use.

After several minutes of contemplative silence, Giles finally replaced his glasses and spoke, looking directly at Buffy. “What can we do to help you?”

Buffy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well, for starters, you can do what we talked about the other day …”

Giles smiled softly and nodded. “Of course … but what can we do for you?”

“Well, just know that I don’t remember what happened here the last five years…I’ve got nothing – zilch. Which begs the question – why don’t I remember what happened here and why did I remember what happened before the wish when no one else in that world did?” Buffy asked the group as a whole.

“It most likely has to do with where you were when the realities shifted,” Wes offered. “Both times you said you were in a dream state … perhaps your consciousness and memories were protected in the dream and they simply came with your physical body as reality shifted around you.”

“But Spike was in the dream too …” Buffy pointed out, looking at her husband who had remained, for the most part, silent as she told the story, offering her support when she faltered, but allowing her to tell the tale, “and he didn’t remember it … until, well … uhh, until it got crammed into his brain a few nights ago.”

“But he did remember …” Giles corrected her. “You said he remembered everything pre-wish when he was in purgatory, correct?”

“Yes ...” Buffy agreed. “But he didn’t remember purgatory when I got back here.”

“But he wasn’t in a dream with you when the realities shifted the second time,” Wes added. “Realities shifted when Dru turned him … he wasn’t dreaming, he was fully awake.”

Buffy chewed on her bottom lip and rubbed her eyes tiredly as she thought about their theory; it was making her head hurt … more.

“Perhaps because you’re the Slayer; Slayer dreams are rather unique … prophetic, certainly, but also perhaps they have other qualities that we aren’t even aware of,” Giles offered. “Add to that the unique situation you have with Spike and the bond … it would undoubtedly be difficult to know what effect that may have on your subconscious mind’s abilities to defend itself.”

Buffy decided that sounded as feasible as any other explanation for her scrambled memories … she still wasn’t sure that it didn’t have something to do with the wish Hallie had made.  Buffy looked at Anya. “How could she wish this so good … uhh, I mean, well?” Buffy asked the ex-demon, looking around sheepishly as she waited for Annie to correct her English – but Annie was in bed. “For her to do everything that she did, it would take like a whole day to make that wish!”

Anya sat up straighter in her seat as all eyes turned to her for some explanation. “Actually, it would’ve only taken one short wish – it’s a well kept secret, only long-time vengeance demons even know about,” Anya informed them matter-of-factly. “It rarely gets wished because … well, since vengeance demons can’t grant their own wishes and mortals don’t know about it – usually.”

When she didn’t continue, Buffy asked, “And? What’s the secret?”

“Oh, that’s insider information!” Anya explained with a shake of her head. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” Anya informed Buffy.

Buffy laughed out loud. “Better than you have tried and failed! Spill it, Anya – what the fuck did Hallie wish for?”

Anya looked around the room nervously at all the expectant faces, then back to Buffy. “D’Hoffryn would have my head …”

“Fuck D’Hoffryn!” Buffy exclaimed, standing up from her seat at the head of the table. “I know his little secret, too – he’s not going to touch you, trust me.”  Buffy wanted desperately to add, but if you don’t tell me, I will … but she bit her tongue. She was trying to keep her friends, not alienate them. She wasn’t the aloof and lonely Slayer any longer … she couldn’t just go around threatening people …or worse, to get her way.

Anya looked around the room again, then leaned forward towards Buffy and lowered her voice conspiratorially. “She wished for her ‘heart’s true desire’,” Anya whispered so only Buffy (and, of course, Spike) could hear.

“Her ‘heart’s true desire’!?” Buffy exclaimed loud enough for everyone to hear. “That’s it?! That did all this?”

“Shhhhhhhhhhhh!” Anya admonished her, looking around fearfully, expecting D’Hoffryn to show up at any moment.

“It’s a very powerful wish …” Anya explained, keeping her voice low. “Most people wish for one certain thing – for their boyfriend to be turned into a pig or a worm or bunny. But if you wish for what’s in your heart, your true heart, depending, of course, on what is in your heart, the possibilities are virtually limitless.  If she was a vengeance demon for as long as you said, she would’ve known that.”

“And she had a good long time as a rat to fill her heart with plenty of juicy desires …” Buffy sighed, sitting back down in her chair heavily.

Wanda’s words to Buffy when she met her at the lodge before going to see Willow rang in Buffy’s ears, ‘follow your true heart, it will lead you back to the light, back to him,’  and then, after she’d overdosed on sleeping pills, Wanda told her again … ‘your only chance is to follow your heart’s true desire.’  Buffy closed her eyes and sighed, shaking her head in regret. The only way to fight Hallie’s wish was to follow her own heart’s true desire – it’s what Wanda had been trying to tell her the whole time, if she’d only listened with her heart instead of her mind.

Finally, Buffy looked back at Anya and asked, “And could the magic of a wish be so strong to reach all the way to the Powers?”

Anya shrugged. “If that was her heart’s true desire … maybe. D’Hoffryn’s magic is ancient and very powerful…”

Buffy shook her head and sighed, then suddenly her brow furrowed in worry. “Did her wish survive this – did any part of her wish survive?” she questioned, looking from Giles to Wesley then to Fred, the three smartest people she knew apart from Spike.  If her wish survived, then what would happen to Spike when he faced the trials again one day? Would they be skewed in the favor of evil as they had been before?

“Spike, you say you … ummm … dispatched Cecily after you were turned, is that correct?” Giles asked him.

“If by dispatched, you mean did I drain the bloody whore and use ‘er bones for toothpicks, then yeah …” Spike confirmed.

“Indeed,” Giles started, removing his glasses again and polishing them. “Then I think it would be safe to assume that no part of her wish would’ve survived … as she wouldn’t have been alive to make the wish in the first place in this reality.”

“Although understanding the wish is quite interesting, I believe that we have another, more pressing issue to deal with: the scythe,” Wesley pointed out. “You say that the Guardian told you that you brought this on yourself … that the scales were tipped too far to the side of good and must be set back in balance. If that’s the case, then what you’ve done … by getting Spike back and creating an army of Slayers, you have set the scales out of balance once again.”

“Indeed,” Giles agreed. “It appears that, if we do not reverse the magic and go back to one … or two, as it were, Slayers at a time, then we can expect some other form of Armageddon in the future.”

“The question then becomes,” Wesley continued. “Would we rather face that Armageddon with an army of Slayers or try to avoid it and continue to fight our ‘normal’ apocalypses with just the two…”

“Of course we have to put the magic back – why is that even a question!?” Buffy insisted, looking from Wes to Giles.

“Why ‘of course’?” Faith interjected. “I think we need to think about this, B. I mean, I really don’t want to be the only frontline Slayer – I’m getting into this ‘teamwork’ gig … now that I’ve lived past the legal drinking age, I’d just as soon keep living.”

“That’s easy for you, Faith – you don’t have a family to think about! Hallie took everything … not just Spike and the kids, but most of you guys, too,” Buffy pointed out, waving her hand to encompass the whole room. “The next big bad to come along and try to put things ‘back in balance’ could be even worse!”

“But the point is, you fixed it, B! We stand a better chance at taking out whatever the next threat is with a hundred Slayers than just one or two!” Faith argued.

“Yeah, I fixed it – but at what cost!? I lost five years – five years with my kids and I … I walked through hell alone to do it. Next time we might not be so lucky, next time we might not even have a chance to walk through hell.  Then what!? Everything I did, everything I went through, will be for nothing!” Buffy shot back, the agitation in her voice growing.

“Well, if there’s a hundred Slayers, then the chances of finding the highway to hell would be a lot better than if it’s just you and me!” Faith pointed out as she stood up and moved closer to Buffy. “I’d rather fight with an army than alone.”

“Yeah, well I’d rather not have to fight at all. I’d rather stay here with my family and try not to miss the next five years of their lives. I’d rather they have a chance to grow up … I’d rather they have the chance to live to legal drinking age and beyond! Putting the world back in balance is the only way to …”

“Don’t say that’ll stop the next apocalypse, sister! We’ve had our share of those well before the scythe!” Faith interrupted her. “If you don’t want to fight, then you should want to have more Slayers, not less! You stay home and bake cookies … we’ll fight!”

Buffy rolled her eyes and shook her head, her anger with her sister Slayer growing. “You have no idea what’s possible, do you?  The longer the world stays out of balance, the worse whatever comes will be! I’d rather deal with ten of our annual apocalypses than one Armageddon. God damn it, Faith – can’t you put something other than ‘want, take, have’ first for once in your life! It’s not all about you, ya know!”

“It’s not all about you, either, B! Seems to me, you’re the greedy one here – what about all those girls that are Slayers now? They’re all someone’s daughter, too! Have you given one thought to what would happen to them if you suddenly took their power away? What happens if the First comes back with his blind mice to kill them? What about all the ones that have already died defending innocents? What about all the ones that died to save your ass from the Armageddon that Angel dragged you into in the other dimension? You sayin’ none of that counts for anything?” Faith continued to argue.

Buffy stood up as Faith got close to her at the head of the research table and stood facing her sister Slayer as the others in the room watched the argument escalate. It was like watching a speeding locomotive jump its tracks and the cars begin to accordion onto each other – not something that you ever want to see, but something you can’t drag your eyes away from, either.

“It was a mistake to release the magic in the scythe.  It needs to be fixed. What happens to those girls … well … the Council can …”

“Oh please give me a break! The Council can’t find their ass with both hands!” Faith asserted. “I’ve gone along with you on a lot of things, B – but not this. I won’t let you do it.”

“Just try and stop me …” Buffy threatened.

“It would be my pleasure …” Faith retorted as she waved her arm out, intending to invite Buffy into the training room for further ‘discussion’ – Slayer to Slayer, but Buffy misinterpreted her actions.

Before Faith could even finish her hand gesture, Buffy kicked her feet out from under her and pinned Faith to the ground with her hips straddling the other Slayer’s stomach, one arm holding one of Faith’s arms and her other arm pressing down against her throat, cutting off her oxygen.  Faith hit out at her with her free arm and tried to buck her off or turn over, but Buffy had the leverage, she had the upper hand from the very beginning of the fight.

“No one fucks with my family! Never again!” Buffy screamed at Faith as she pressed even harder and felt the dark Slayer’s hyoid bone break under the pressure, but still she didn’t let up.

Everyone had jumped up from their seats when the Slayers hit the floor and they were all screaming at them to stop, but Buffy heard none of it.  One thing she had learned from five years as a solitary demon hunter was don’t let anything distract you during a fight – it could be deadly. Another thing was, make the first move count – don’t hesitate; be decisive and deadly and don’t stop fighting until you’re sure you’ve won.  Buffy no longer saw Faith under her, but a threat to her family. It wasn’t her sister Slayer there, but a big bad trying to take away what she’d struggled so hard to find again, trying to take her life, her family, away again. Buffy had lived with the guilt of releasing the magic from the scythe for five long years – she blamed herself for what happened to Spike, for the torment that he’d gone through. Now she had a chance to make it right, to reverse her misdeed … and Faith was trying to take that chance away from her.

Buffy felt someone attack her from behind, and she swung an elbow back with all her strength into the ribs of her attacker, still keeping her forearm pressed hard against Faith’s throat. Spike winced in pain when her elbow cracked two of his ribs as he dropped down behind her and wrapped his arms around Buffy’s arms and torso, trying to restrain her. Buffy struggled to get him off her as he tried to pull her forearm away from Faith’s throat.  Faith had passed out from lack of oxygen to the brain; Wes and Giles were trying to get a hold of Faith so they could pull her out from under Buffy as Spike was trying to control his wife without hurting her. Spike’s mouth was next to her ear, imploring her to stop – but she didn’t even hear him. Buffy jerked her head backwards and head-butted Spike with the back of her head and he temporarily loosened his grip on her just as Giles and Wes were beginning to pull the unconscious Slayer away. Buffy swung at the Watchers, but they both had let go of Faith when Spike screamed out in pain and they were just out of her reach when Buffy swung at them.

Buffy was back atop Faith in an instant, pressing down again on her throat, making sure the threat was neutralized, when Spike threw his whole body at her, hitting her from behind and knocking her completely off the defeated Slayer.  Buffy and Spike tumbled around on the ground, each trying to get the upper hand as Wes and Giles checked on Faith. She was breathing, but just barely, her windpipe crushed and almost completely closed.

Buffy fought blindly, not even realizing who she was fighting or even what the original reason for the fight was. Her body, adrenaline, and instincts for survival had taken over – instincts that she had honed for five long, lonely years; instincts that had kept her alive to seek her vengeance for her family and friends. Willow moved over to where Spike and Buffy were wrestling on the floor, ready to put Buffy to sleep as she’d done when the First triggered her, but Spike yelled at her to stop – he needed to be able to stop her without Willow; Buffy needed to be able to stop herself.  Buffy finally stopped fighting, at least momentarily, when she heard Spike inside her mind through the bond. He wasn’t screaming, he wasn’t demanding that she stop, but instead simply telling her calmly that it was alright, everything was alright, her family, her friends loved her and everything was alright.  When Buffy hesitated, Spike wrapped his arms around her, stilling her hands and covering her body with his, holding her still on the floor of the great room.

Shhhhh … it’s ok, pet. Everything’s ok, Buffy. I love you. You won … you don’t need to fight anymore … shhhhh …. Easy now, luv. Relax … I’ve got ya, it’s ok.

“Spike?” Buffy questioned aloud as the fight or flee adrenaline began to release its hold on her mind.

“Yeah, baby – it’s me. Everything’s ok, just relax now, luv … it’s ok,” Spike assured her, his voice barely a whisper against her ear.

“Oh God … what have I done!? Faith!” Buffy realized as she tried to turn her head to see her fellow Slayer.

“She’s alright, pet …” Spike assured her. Although he wasn’t really sure how ‘alright’ Faith was, he was sure she wasn’t dead.

“God, Spike! I’m sorry! I didn’t … I didn’t mean to … Oh, God, what’s wrong with me!?” Buffy cried against his shoulder as he continued to hold her. Dawn’s words from what seemed another lifetime ago echoed through Buffy’s mind like a ghost, What happens when someone else … another human, crosses you? and Buffy began to sob uncontrollably against Spike’s shoulder. She knew if he hadn’t been here, she would’ve undoubtedly killed Faith – and for what? Because they disagreed over the right course of action regarding the scythe? Because they had differing points of view? Because Buffy felt like Faith was threatening her family, even though Faith was no more a threat to them than Willow or Tara or Giles or any of her friends.

“Shhhhh…no worries, now. Pincushion Girl was outta line…” Spike assured his wife as he rolled off her and sat up on the floor, pulling her with him.  Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike and buried her tear-streaked face against his neck as he stroked a hand down her back soothingly.

“No … no, she was right – I am the greedy one,” Buffy admitted as she continued to cry against him.

“Bollocks …” Spike protested. “You’ve made mistakes, pet, we all have – but being ‘greedy’ isn’t part o’ your chemistry.”

Buffy snorted softly, disagreeing without words. “Maybe it is now…”

“Never happen, Buffy … it’s not who you are,” Spike assured her.

Buffy just rolled her eyes – he didn’t know, he couldn’t possibly know how much the last years alone had changed her, how the anger and the hate had embedded themselves into her being, into every molecule of her body and soul … perhaps right into her DNA.

“Are you alright, Buffy?” Giles asked gently as he bent down and laid a hand on her back.

“Yeah … how’s Faith?” Buffy asked, lifting her head and looking over at her fellow Slayer. Wes was administering to her and Tara was on the phone with 911.

Giles shrugged. “Not dead …” was the best he could say. “They’re ringing for an ambulance…”

“Wait … tell them to wait on the ambulance,” Buffy insisted, pulling from Spike’s embrace and standing up.

“But, Buffy, she’s badly injured …” Giles objected, stepping back to allow her to stand.

“I know – but … just wait a minute, ok?” she requested of Giles. Then, turning to Spike, she asked, “Where’s the scythe?”

Spike looked at her suspiciously for a moment, then stood up and silently asked, Not gonna finish ‘er off are ya? ‘Course, that could mean more hours for me at Willy’s, might be able to afford that new transmission for the DeSoto…

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Nooo … just tell me where it is.”

Spike led the way into the training room and Buffy followed. He entered a combination on a locked door at the far end and opened it for her. Inside was a myriad of weapons – kept safe from little hands behind the locked door, including the scythe.  Buffy grabbed it and headed back to the great room with it.

She knelt down next to Faith and took both of Faith’s hands and put them on the scythe, holding them on it tightly with her own.  Buffy didn’t know if it would work … she didn’t know until it did.  She could feel the magic circuit connect and start flowing through both of them, just as the scythe had done in the ‘wish-world’ for her.  Whatever had changed in the magic of the scythe due to Hallie’s wish had remained; why, in that reality, the Guardians had long ago infused it with additional magic, Buffy didn’t know – perhaps they anticipated the need or somehow had warning of the dangers she would face.  Whatever the reason, Buffy was happy for it and she was glad that releasing the magic and creating the Slayers didn’t completely drain the magic from the ancient weapon.

“Damn, B…” Faith uttered finally as her wounds healed and her head stopped spinning. She took the scythe from Buffy’s hands and sat up slowly. “It never did that before …”

Buffy nodded and smiled apologetically at Faith. “I know … it’s a side effect of the wish, I guess – not sure.”

“Man – do you think it would work for a hangover?” Faith asked, looking at the scythe with renewed awe.

Buffy laughed lightly. “I can tell you with certainty that it doesn’t,” Buffy informed her, remembering too well her churning stomach and spinning head from the wine she and Dawn drank in the wine cellar in the Sunnydale crater and how the scythe had no effect on either.

“Bummer…”

“Faith … I’m … I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go all ‘postal’ on you like that…” Buffy started, her voice turning serious.

Faith shrugged. “Fair fight, you just got the jump on me this time.  I guess that means we put the magic back …”

Buffy shook her head slowly. “No … no, you were right. There’s always an apocalypse on the horizon ... always a threat. We stand a better chance with more Slayers, not less.  When the time comes, we’ll just have to find a way to win …”

“Hey – we always do, right?”

“Yeah … yeah, I guess so,” Buffy agreed half-heartedly, remembering how she’d won the battle but lost the war with D’Hoffryn and his minions. If it hadn’t been for Lilah setting it up so Wanda and her mom could stop her from ODing, her war would’ve ended there – she would’ve lost; they all would’ve lost.

**~**

Since it was in the small hours of the morning when the Scooby meeting finally broke up, everyone just stayed at the mansion for the night, sleeping in spare bedrooms or on the couch or the floor … wherever they could find a comfortable spot.  Buffy rolled over and tried to focus on the bedside clock … 11:14am it said – it seemed like she’d just gone to sleep. The kids must be starving … hopefully they haven’t killed each other yet.  It wasn’t until Buffy sat up that she realized Spike was already up and gone from their room … making poached eyeballs for the kids, no doubt.

Buffy got dressed and headed downstairs. She could hear her friends and family talking and laughing in the kitchen and she paused halfway down the staircase, sat down on one of the steps, and just listened. Willow was talking to Fred about some new technology she was working on and how it would change the way the world used computers, Tara was talking to Anya about the baby and the nursery and names, Spike was talking to Xander about rebuilding the transmission in the DeSoto and Xander was telling him they’d be better off pulling a used one off a junker and just replacing it, Giles and Wes and Faith were talking about what they should tell the Council about ‘the wish’, if they should tell them at all, and the children were earnestly discussing who would beat up who … Batman vs. Wonder Woman – Wonder Woman of course; Wonder Woman vs. Green Hornet  – Green Hornet, they decided; Green Hornet vs. Kung Fu Panda … Huh? Kung Fu Panda? Who the hell is Kung Fu Panda?

As Buffy sat there trying to figure out who or what a ‘Kung Fu Panda’ was, the aroma of poached eyeball eggs reached her nostrils and sent her stomach into a tailspin. Buffy put her hand over her mouth and nearly jumped the rest of the way down the stairs to the first floor, barely making it into the bathroom in time.  Spike heard her and everyone was waiting for her when she emerged a few minutes later, still a little green around the gills.

“You alright, luv?” Spike asked, his brows furrowed in concern as he rubbed a hand soothingly down her back. She’d been sick for several days now and it didn’t seem to be getting any better.

“Yeah … just, I don’t know … just my stomach isn’t happy with poached eyeballs, I guess,” Buffy theorized.

“Maybe it’s something else,” Tara suggested. “Maybe you’re pregnant,” she offered, remembering all too well her own morning sickness and what Buffy suffered through with her previous pregnancies … and her aura still looked a little off … but not in a bad way.

“Oh … ha ha, very funny!” Buffy replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes, but no one else was laughing.

“Guys … I’m not pregnant! I couldn’t possibly be – that’s ridiculous! I’m on the pill and Spike’s a vampire and there haven’t been any monks around and … Oh God!” Buffy exclaimed, her eyes wide with a mixture of fear and shock as her hands covered her mouth. “William … William wasn’t a vampire … I wasn’t on … I wasn’t on anything,” Buffy stammered, looking at Spike. “Rack said … he said he couldn’t protect me – whatever happened there happened to me…”

“Bloody hell…” Spike muttered, a look of amazement and joy spreading across is features.

“What does that mean, ‘William wasn’t a vampire’?” Giles asked, his brows furrowed in confusion, but Buffy didn’t hear him as her mind whirled.

Save the babies … all of them … all of them … all … her mom had admonished her as Buffy was on her way to join Spike in hell.

“All the babies … save all the babies …” Buffy muttered, her hands going to her abdomen. “B-but … it was … it wasn’t this body … it was …” Buffy stammered, trying to work through it – it was all the same dimension. Yes, she had a different body in the ‘wish-world’, but it wasn’t a different dimension, she wasn’t a different person, it was just a different set of circumstances … a different fate, it was still her.

“Oh my God, Spike …” Buffy cried, her eyes still wide with shock as she looked up at him. “I think Tara’s right … I think I’m pregnant …”

Spike pursed his lips together, then ran his tongue across his teeth as a wide smile spread across his face. “William had some brilliant swimmers … I’ll give ‘im that,” Spike bragged before grabbing her in a hug, lifting her feet off the ground and swinging her around in delight.

Dear Lord – she slept with William! Giles finally realized, taking his glasses off and scrubbing them furiously but not voicing his revelation to the group.

Tara, Willow, and Giles, the closest people to them, backed up to avoid being hit as Spike swung Buffy in a circle and all her friends began talking and asking questions at once. “What?” “Who?” “When?” “How?” “Huh?”

But neither Buffy nor Spike heard them … all Spike could hear were Buffy’s words echoing in his mind, I’m pregnant, and all Buffy could hear were Spike’s vows of everlasting love and devotion whispered softly against her ear, his voice full of emotion and his heart swelling with elation over the possibility of another baby.

When Spike finally set Buffy back down on her feet, he leaned down and kissed her gently. His eyes danced with joy and he couldn’t wipe the silly grin off his face as he pressed a palm against her abdomen.

“Can you hear it?” Buffy asked him, laying her hand over his.

Spike shook his head. “Not yet … How long ‘as it been? Just since the buggering blue demon?”

Buffy shook her head trying to clear her thoughts. “Yeah … we were together that night and then the next morning I woke back up here – you said I had been attacked by a blue demon. So just, umm … like a week?”

“Would someone please tell the mushrooms what’s going on?” Xander asked, still confused, his request finally being heard by the warriors. “I’m pretty used to living in the dark, but every once in a while I’d like to know what the f…iddlesticks is going on!”

Buffy pulled her eyes away from Spike’s to look at her friends, who were all waiting expectantly. “I stepped on a butterfly and saved all our babies.”

**~**