Tuesday, December 16^th, 1890, early morning hours, London:

William walked about twenty yards down the path before stopping and looking back. He could hear the angel weeping … he thought he’d never heard anything as horribly heartrending in all his life, it cut him as deeply as if it had been one of his own family. Like the feeling when she said ‘I love you’ … her tears seemed to reach deep into his soul, it was something he’d only felt before upon the birth of his children and the death of his mother.  He pondered her words … her story, as he stood in the cold – what did it mean? Was she an angel or a mortal being? Why did she seem to care so deeply for him and his family? Why did her words touch him so profoundly? Why did her pain seem to cut him so harshly?

He suddenly felt horribly guilty for not being completely truthful with the … with Avengelyne … about his life. It was true that he was happy … for the most part. He loved his children with all his heart and he loved his job, he was good at it and he did love helping young people realize and appreciate the glory of the written and spoken word, and he loved his wife. But … if he had been completely honest, he would’ve admitted to her that on those cold, still nights that she'd asked about, as he lie alone in his bed, that he longed for a warm body to share it with, a heart beating next to his, for a soft touch, a tender kiss. 

He loved Cecily … more than he’d ever loved any woman, but she was distant, cold, and shared his bed only occasionally.  It hadn’t started out that way, of course, but after confirming her first pregnancy, just a couple of months after their wedding vows, things changed. He knew that he loved her much more than she loved him and, on those dark nights of which the angel spoke, that stabbed at his heart, but he would never betray his wife.  She was a good mother, she was a proper lady, she could be witty and charming and all his friends and colleagues loved her … and she’d given him two, soon to be three, beautiful children.  He thought, perhaps, he was simply expecting too much.

**~**

Buffy lay on the cold floor of the bandstand and cried and prayed and wished with all her heart and soul to just leave this place, this time.  She wished for that feeling of bliss that she’d had just before landing here … for the bright lights and the music and the peaceful, euphoric feeling of Rack’s magic.  She was so tired of crying, so tired of the pain and hurt that seemed to invade every cell of her body like a virus – just so very tired.  She had lost … she’d lost everything – Hallie had it all; her husband, her family … her happiness, and Buffy’s hope that she would be able to get it all back died like the last ember of a forest fire after a soft rain … slowly, but oh so surely.

Buffy was so lost was in her own thoughts that she didn’t hear William return to the pavilion; didn’t know he was there until she felt his hand on her arm.

“Avengelyne…” he said softly. “…please don’t cry. It … I can’t explain it … it pains me so to hear you cry,” William whispered to her as he crouched down next to her.

“You should go …” Buffy told him through her tears, not looking at him or moving to get up.

“I … I have a confession I feel I must make. I’m afraid I wasn’t completely truthful with you and … and my conscience begs me to correct my misdeed,” William explained quietly.

Buffy took some deep breaths to try and calm down and wiped her face with her hands before pushing up to sitting and facing him. “Whatever it is … I’m sure it’s fine, William. You really should go.”

William pursed his lips together and nodded in acquiescence before standing up and turning away from her again, but before he got to the stairs that led down from the bandstand to the walkway, he stopped and turned back. “May I ask you something … something personal?”

“Of course,” Buffy agreed, still sitting on the floor. “Anything.”

William moved back to her and crouched down so he could look her in the eye. “You said we were … we were together in another place … another universe.  I don’t pretend to know what that means, I don’t pretend to understand, but there are some things in life that we must take on faith and I … I don’t know why, but I believe you,” William began. 

Buffy smiled softly and nodded slightly – she wasn’t sure she even understood that anymore.

“So, ummm … what I mean to say is … When you say we were together … do you mean in the biblical sense?”

Buffy had to smile wider at how completely uncomfortable and proper he looked asking such a risqué question.

“Yes … we communed with God quite a bit,” Buffy offered, her smile widening.

“You mock me … I … I shouldn’t have …” William started, standing up quickly and moving back towards the stairs.

Buffy jumped up and ran after him, catching his arm and stopping him before he started down the stairs. “No … William – I didn’t mean it that way. I’m not making fun, honest.  It was … it was kind of a joke we had … I shouldn’t have said it that way. Please don’t leave,” Buffy pleaded with him.  When he turned back to face her she added, “Ask me anything – I promise that there’s nothing you can’t ask me; I would never mock you, I’d never hurt you that way.”

William looked at her … her green eyes glistened in the low light from the streetlamps and he thought he’d never seen anything more beautiful before; her eyes held such love and sincerity it left him speechless.

“William? Please ask me … anything,” Buffy prodded softly when he didn’t speak or move for several moments.

William cleared his throat and pulled his eyes away from hers. He walked over to the edge of the pavilion and looked out at the darkness surrounding them. With the soft snow still falling, it felt like they were the only people in the world at that moment.  Without looking back, William said, “What I wondered was … well, it’s quite embarrassing really … I just, oh dear,” William stammered, trying to gather his thoughts.

Buffy moved up behind him and laid a hand on his back. “William, we’ve shared everything … there’s nothing you can say or ask that will offend me or scare me …” she assured him.

“Indeed … well, I wondered if … during our ‘communes with God’, if, well … was I … sufficient?” William stammered out, never looking at Buffy.

Buffy nearly laughed, but knew that would be the absolute wrong thing to do, so she bit her lip and put her hand over her mouth as she regained her composure. Finally she said, “Yes … well, I’m not sure I’d use ‘sufficient’ to describe you … maybe … what’s a word that’s way, way, way better than ‘sufficient’?”

William finally turned back to look at her with confusion creasing his features.  “Are you sure?”

Buffy had to smile now. “Oh yes, totally sure.”

At the continued look of doubt on his face, she asked, “Why are you asking that?”

William shrugged slightly and looked past Buffy, avoiding her gaze. “And just how long did you say we were ‘together’?”

“Six years … before … before I lost you.”

“And you were … pleased with my … efforts … during that time?”

Buffy pursed her lips together to keep from smiling wider. “Yes … quite pleased.”

“And … ummm … how many times, roughly, over those years did we have … relations?” William asked, still not looking at her, even though she was standing right in front of him.

“Roughly?” Buffy asked, crunching her face up as if in deep thought. “Ten million …”

“What!?” William exclaimed, finally dropping his gaze to her face.

Buffy shrugged. “Give or take a million or two …”

William’s jaw dropped open, then closed, then dropped again – his mouth was working but no sound was coming out. Buffy lifted a finger up and pressed up on his chin, closing his mouth. “A closed mouth catches no flies…” she told him with a small smile, repeating what their great-whatever grandson had told her all those years ago.

“Now, I get to ask a question. Why are you asking me about this?” Buffy questioned, her voice turning serious.

William spun back around to face out towards the darkness and leaned heavily on the railing, but didn’t answer her.

“Ok, we’ll start with an easier question … how many times have you had relations with your … uhhh … wife … with Cecily?” Buffy asked, nearly choking on the words as she called Cecily his wife.

William rolled his face up to the ceiling of the pavilion then dropped it back down so his chin was on his chest. “Roughly?” he asked rhetorically, “ten.”

“No … I mean total – in ten years,” Buffy clarified.

“Oh …” William began again, “…ten.”

Now it was Buffy’s turn to exclaim in surprise. “What?!”  She knew that she and Spike were different than ‘normal’ people … but even so, ten times in ten years?  They weren’t that different.

“William … why?” Buffy questioned softly, pulling on one of his arms and turning him back around to face her.

William shrugged. “Cecily says …” he started, then took a deep breath and let it out slowly, shaking his head. “This really isn’t proper. I should … I should go.”

“No. You started this, now you have to finish it. What does Cecily say?” Buffy demanded, holding onto his arm to keep him from moving.

William finally met her eyes. “She says it hurts … it’s too painful.”

Buffy looked at him with concern and confusion. Certainly William didn’t have the experience that Spike did; perhaps he was rushing things too much.

“Do you … is she, you know, uhhh … ready before you … ummm …” Buffy sighed, when did she get so embarrassed talking about sex? Just pretend it’s Spike … she told herself and started over, “Do you have foreplay? She needs to be wet before you have intercourse … otherwise, yeah – it would hurt.”

Even in the dim lights, Buffy could see William’s face turning even redder as he pulled at his collar with one finger to get some air. “Just talk to me, William …” Buffy advised, laying a hand on his arm.

William cleared his throat again. “Yes … ummm, well, yes, I have read the books and I am aware of how the female body functions. I am not a brute,” he defended.

“I know you’re not … but some women might take longer than others to be ready,” Buffy advised him.

“Yes … I can appreciate that everyone is different,” William acquiesced, still pulling at his collar and fidgeting with his glasses, which had started to fog up; he wasn’t sure how it had suddenly gotten so hot outside with snow still falling around them.

“And?” Buffy prodded.

“Yes … ummm, well, I pleasure her with my mouth … my tongue and hands first until … well, until she cries out …”

Buffy smirked. “Oh, William, you little scoundrel!” she teased.

William’s eyes went wide with horror and embarrassment. “Is that wrong?!” he asked worriedly.

Buffy laughed. “No … that’s not wrong. That sounds perfectly wonderful,” Buffy assured him before asking, “So she’s hot, she’s wet … and then what?”

William cleared his throat again, suddenly wishing for a glass of water … or a pint of lager. “Then I … we … have relations,” he hedged, unable to voice anything more specific at that moment.

Buffy nodded knowingly … but couldn’t imagine what Cecily’s problem was.  It was ironic that just a short while ago, Buffy was hating Cecily for having what was rightfully Buffy’s – for sleeping with William, and now Buffy was angry at her for not doing it enough.

“So … what’s her problem, then?” Buffy asked again.

“She says it painful … I’m unnaturally large and I may damage her if we …”

“Oh, please spare me!” Buffy exclaimed, throwing her hands out to the sides as she started pacing back and forth in front of William. What the hell was Cecily playing at? She wanted Spike, or William, and now that she had him she didn’t want him anymore except to reproduce?

“That’s a bunch of crap!” Buffy assured William as she continued to pace angrily back and forth. 

“That fucking bitch … what kind of game is she playing, anyway?” Buffy muttered under her breath as her anger rose.  Buffy suddenly stopped and turned to face William.

“You told me you were happy! That you loved her! She was your Juliet!” she accused.

William looked down at the floor and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Yes … I … that’s the thing I came back to set straight with you.  She is my Juliet … I’m just afraid that I’m not her Romeo.”

William looked up at Buffy and met her eyes. “I’m afraid that I love her, but alas, she … she doesn’t love me … as deeply.”

Buffy folded her arms across her chest and sighed angrily as she looked at this man that loved with all his heart, a man that gave everything to the one he loved. How could she not have seen and felt his heartbreak earlier? Because you were too caught up in your own pain and self-pity to notice his, came the answer in her head.  Cecily had found a way to hurt him, after all – to have him and hurt him at the same time, by taking his love, promising her love, but not actually giving him any in return. It had apparently become more about inflicting pain and wreaking vengeance for her and less about having Spike…unless Spike was an eighteen year old surfer in the twenty-first century, of course.

Buffy’s expression softened as she looked at William … so handsome – not in the roguish way Spike was, and he was older by ten years, but those years had been kind – he really didn’t look any older at all; his eyes were just as mesmerizing, his cheekbones just as sharp, his lips just as soft, and his heart just as true.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, William,” Buffy assured him, moving closer to him. “Your only crime is loving too wholly, giving your heart too freely … it’s the thing I love most about you.

“Have you ever been with anyone else? A mistress?” Buffy asked softly, laying her hands on his chest.

William shook his head ‘no’ … unable to speak as this angel touched him and took the breath from his lungs.

“No … you wouldn’t … you wouldn’t betray your love,” Buffy acknowledged as she lifted up onto her toes. Her lips hovered close to his as she asked, “Would you like to know what true love feels like?”

William had no capacity to speak as Buffy pressed her body against his; he could barely breathe and he felt all the blood rush from his brain to his nether regions as this angel offered to show him true love.  He shook his head ‘yes’ one time and Buffy closed the space between their lips and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Buffy slid her tongue into William’s mouth and his tongue wrapped around hers as his arms encircled her body and pulled her even tighter.  Buffy was surprised to find that he even tasted like Spike and a thousand memories and feelings flooded her heart and soul with longing and desire … this was her husband, his heart, his soul, his body. She let herself get lost in the feeling of his body against hers, his heart thundering in his chest, his cock, stiff and prominent in his trousers pressed against her hip, and she knew that he wanted it just as badly as she did.

Buffy pressed him down to a sitting position on the stone floor of the pavilion, his back against the short, cold, metal latticework wall that encircled it – but he didn’t notice the cold at his back or the hard stone under him, he could only feel this girl … this angel, whose lips tasted like ambrosia and felt like heaven against his, whose body was supple and warm against him, and whose heart was so full of love and desire that he could actually feel it inside himself.

Buffy straddled his lap, pressing her pussy down against his erection. She gently removed his glasses and set them off to the side and then resumed the kiss … this time inviting his tongue into her mouth, and he eagerly accepted as he wrapped his arms back around her and pulled her body against his.  When the kiss broke, both of them gasping for air, Buffy leaned her forehead against his and began unbuttoning his shirt and William voiced no objections.  Buffy ran her hands down his chest and abs … his muscles weren’t as sculpted as Spike’s, but his skin was just as soft and his body firm beneath it.

“Does she make you quiver when she touches you?” Buffy asked as she felt his body tremble under her hands.

“No…” William whispered … it was all he could manage.

Buffy unbuttoned his trousers, freeing his erection. His cock jumped and throbbed in her hand as she squeezed it tightly … careful not to be too hard – he wasn’t a vampire, after all. She started stroking slowly up and down his length, then she swirled her thumb around the mushroom head, smearing his pre-cum round and round, eliciting a deep moan from William’s throat as his eyes fluttered closed and his head lolled back against the metal latticework.

“Does she touch you like this? Does she make you moan?” Buffy asked softly before running her tongue down his neck from his ear to his shoulder then back up again.

“No…” William moaned as he tried to maintain some semblance of control over his body.

William swallowed the lump in his throat and watched her hand move on his erection, swirling the drops of slick liquid around and around the head. “That … that does not trouble you?”

Buffy raised her brows, looked up to his eyes and shook her head ‘no’. “Nothing about your body troubles me,” she whispered, sliding down his legs, leaning down and replacing her thumb with her tongue on the head of his cock, while she continued to stroke his hard rod with one hand.

Buffy took the head of his cock in her mouth, moving her lips up and down just over the head in the same, slow rhythm as her hand was using on the thick shaft, but in opposite directions; her mouth going down as her hand came up.

Buffy could feel William’s balls tense and his body tremble and she paused momentarily and asked, “Do you want to cum in my mouth?”

William gasped audibly, then stammered his reply, “I … that’s … I mean to say … it’s not necessary. It must be quite … unpleasant for you.”

Buffy smiled and lifted up then she leaned in so her lips were near his. “No, not unpleasant … nectar of the gods,” she whispered, repeating what Spike had told her the very first time she’d done this. “And I should know, being an angel and all…”

“Oh my…” William moaned as Buffy dropped her mouth back down on his cock and began sucking and licking and stroking him harder and faster. She swirled her tongue round and round the length of him as she took as much of his rod into her mouth as she could, all the while stroking the rest with her hand.  Buffy could feel him tense again and knew that he was so close, she slammed down on him hard, sucking and licking and swallowing until the head of his cock hit the back of her throat and William’s cum exploded into her, his hips rose involuntarily against her and a low, urgent moan escaped his throat as she continued to lick and suck his rod eagerly.

Buffy pulled back slightly to give herself room to swallow as his cum flowed into her mouth. William’s whole body tensed and his moan rumbled deeply in his throat; this was unlike anything he’d felt before. This angel was unafraid of him … this angel was moaning and devouring him with a passion he’d never before seen in a woman … and she was enjoying it … she was enjoying giving him pleasure.

Buffy swirled her tongue around William’s rod, licking up every drop of cum from it when he finally stopped shooting into her, but she didn’t swallow the last bit; instead, she raised her lips back up to his and kissed him.  William gasped in surprise when he tasted his cum in her mouth, on her lips, and pulled back from the kiss momentarily.  Their eyes met, his wide with wonder and excitement, hers smoldering with passion and love, and then he captured her lips again, sliding his tongue between her lips and tasting himself on her … it was amazing, this girl was amazing.

When the kiss broke, Buffy smiled softly at him. “See? Not unpleasant … it’s not chocolate, but … it’s a close second,” she teased.

William smiled back at her … her smile lit up her whole face, her eyes seemed to glitter and dance with love and mischief, she seemed to actually glow from within, even in the dim light … this angel was truly effulgent.

Buffy didn’t want to rush him … she knew that he was a man, not a vampire, and she had no idea how long it would take for him to recover from that orgasm, which rivaled Spike’s, but she longed to have him inside her.   Buffy backed up off his legs, then spread them open and she turned around so she could sit with her back to his chest between his outstretched legs.  Neither of them seemed to notice the cold any longer or care that they were actually out in the middle of the Common.  The snow falling around them was like a veil of white, shrouding them – watching over them, protecting them. Buffy actually felt like they were inside a snow globe that someone had shaken up and this was all that existed in the entire universe, just her and William and this pavilion and the snow.

Buffy sighed as she leaned back against him and took his arms and wrapped them around her. William rested his chin on her shoulder and closed his eyes. If he concentrated hard enough, he could feel her heart beating against his, he could hear only her breathing, he could smell only the sweet scent of her long, auburn hair and the sounds and smells of the city beyond the bandstand vanished. Where had this girl come from and why did he feel so … so safe with her? She was a perfect stranger … a trespasser, in fact, but something about her touched him more deeply than he thought possible.

William laced his fingers in hers and felt her wedding band. He lifted her left hand up and looked at it in the dim light. “You are married,” he whispered softly.

“Yes …”

“To me?” William asked hesitantly, afraid that her answer would be no.

“Yes …” Buffy answered as tears stung her eyes. She had never removed the wedding band from her finger, in her mind it was Spike’s wedding band, not Riley’s; despite the years since she’d lost him, she would never be married to anyone but Spike.

“And do I … make you happy?” William asked softly.

Buffy smiled through her tears, but her chin and voice quivered as she answered. “Yes … you’re a good man, William. You always make me happy.”

“A good man with the heart of a lion …” William repeated what the angel had told him before. “But I am lost to you now …”

“Yes …” Buffy agreed, closing her eyes tightly to keep the tears from falling.

William brought a finger up and touched her face. “I’m sorry … I did not mean to make you weep. Your tears are like daggers to my heart … I cannot explain it. I don’t even know you, and yet you affect me so deeply.”

“That’s true love … that’s what soul-mates do,” Buffy murmured as she took his hand, which was still interlaced with hers, and wrapped it back around her middle.

The pair sat in an easy silence for several minutes, each reveling in the comfort of the other being next to them. For the first time in years Buffy felt the black-hole inside her fill with serene joy again as William’s soul sought hers out, like a moth to a flame, a magnet to steel, his soul joined with hers and completed her.  It had been so very long since she’d felt it, like a key fitting into a lock, his soul fit hers perfectly, and released her heart from its solitary prison of depression and vengeance and anger.

Buffy smiled knowingly when she felt William’s cock start to jump and stiffen again against her back.  Buffy took one of William’s hands, lifted it and began lazily swirling his fingers softly over the swell of her breast.  William didn’t pull back, but let her show him how she wanted to be touched. He brushed her long, fiery locks to the side, dropped his mouth to her shoulder, and kissed a blaze of desire up her neck, ending at her ear and finding the spot that drove her crazy, before starting back down again.  Buffy moaned and tilted her head to the side, letting her auburn-red halo of hair fall away and giving him full access to her soft skin. She could feel his erection growing with every moan that escaped her throat, with every shudder and every goose bump that he raised on her skin.

Buffy reluctantly left his embrace and stood up so she could turn around to face him again. She kicked her shoes off, then raised her skirt and unfastened her jeans, dropping them down and kicking them off as well.  When she stood up, William opened his eyes, which he had closed to concentrate on hearing her breath and feeling her body as it quivered under his touch. Now he watched her … enthralled with her movements, her grace … savoring every glimpse of skin, hungering for her body to be back against his. Buffy unbuttoned the front of her dress and pulled her t-shirt off from underneath before dropping back down to her former position on William’s lap, facing him. 

“Do you want to touch me?” Buffy asked as she unfastened her bra and lifted William’s left hand up to her bare breast.

William dragged his eyes away from her breasts up to her eyes with a look of fear and pleasure all mixed together. He felt like he could barely breathe … she was beautiful, graceful, an angel… she was like something from a dream.

“Tell me what … what pleasures you …” William requested quietly as he dropped his eyes back to her bare chest and raised his other hand to cup both of her full breasts gently.  Buffy laid her hands over his and guided them to her nipples, circling them softly with his fingers.  She released his hands and, as he circled her areolas with light touches, she pinched her nipples lightly, showing him what to do. It took only a moment before William was making love to her breasts with his hands, then his mouth, his teeth and tongue and lips. Buffy moaned in pleasure as her own eyes fluttered closed and she felt a small orgasm pass over her. It had been so long … so very long since she’d had a man’s touch against her skin – it was something she had put aside, given up on ever happening again. Her life without Spike was acappella; Spike was gone and she knew no one could take his place, and yet, here he was … one last time, one last song, one last dance.

William was unsure at first, hesitant, but then as he learned what she wanted and gained confidence, his touches became more and more like that of her husband – full of caring and reverence, wanting to please her, wanting to make her feel as good as she made him feel.  Buffy could see so much of Spike in this man … and so much of this man in Spike.  What Spike had told her so many years ago was true – you don’t lose everything you were when you become a vampire, what you were is still in there, deep down, you are still you.

Buffy raised her hips up and reached between them to guide his cock into her, but William stopped her by grabbing her wrist. “I … I don’t want to hurt you…” he explained softly, searching her eyes for that look that said ‘stop’ … he was well familiar with it.

Buffy sat back down on his legs and pulled her hand out of his grasp. She took his face in both of her hands and made him focus on her … on nothing but her eyes. “You won’t hurt me,” she assured him. 

“Are you certain? I … I would never forgive myself…” William started and Buffy covered his lips with her thumbs, silencing him.

“I want you … I love you,” she told him softly. “Can’t you feel my love yet? Open your heart and let my love in, William, it will make all the difference, you’ll see.”

William took a deep breath as he lost himself in the green of her eyes … he felt like he was falling … falling down a tall, green waterfall … falling for an angel.  Buffy raised back up and guided his shaft into her, lowering down slowly on him as she kept her eyes locked on his until he was buried in her to the hilt, then she stopped moving. 

“Does she make you tremble and shiver when she makes love to you?” Buffy asked softly.

William’s mouth moved, opened, then closed, then opened again, but he could utter no words … no thought could form in his mind from the fireworks that were exploding there, which blocked everything else out. He’d never had a woman like this … he’d never met a woman like this.

When he didn’t answer, Buffy began to move on him, sliding up and down his rod slowly at first, then faster and harder as their passion and desire built … rising up towards a fantastic crescendo.  Buffy knew that William was close to cumming … she could see the look in his eyes … they smoldered, just like Spike’s, and she slowed her movement and then stopped.

“I want you on top, William … I want you to make love to me, then I want your cum in me. You won’t hurt me … don’t think, don’t hold back … just be,” Buffy encouraged him … telling him the same thing that Spike had told her the first time they’d made love … just be.

“Are you certain?” William started and Buffy pressed a finger to his lips.

“Don’t think – just be,” she reminded him as she rose up slowly, pulling off him, then stood up.  Buffy pulled her dress off completely, the cold air felt amazing as it caressed her hot skin, covering her in chill bumps and sending shivers down her spine, but they weren’t only from the cold. She laid her dress down on the stone floor as William watched her … never before had he seen such a beautiful woman and he ravished her with his eyes as she stood before him, naked, vulnerable, trusting, and this angel wanted him.

Buffy laid down on her dress, opening her legs to her lover, and William moved over her, crawling on hands and knees until he was above her, then he stopped and looked into her eyes … still waiting for that look, that look that said ‘stop’ … that look that said you’re vile, you’re unnatural … you’re beneath me, but that look never came.

Buffy wrapped her legs around his hips and slipped a hand between them to guide him into her as she raised her hips up to meet his.  Buffy moaned when he entered her and another small orgasm passed over her body … it was a feeling she could never get enough of – a feeling that she’d longed for and dreamt of over the last years … a feeling she’d been sure she’d never know again outside of her dreams. William pressed in halfway and stopped … still afraid of hurting the girl …

Buffy raised her head up and whispered against his ear, “Let yourself be what we all are at our core, William … primal, visceral. Don’t think … just be!” she admonished him again, pulling with her legs until his hips hit hers.

William began moving against her, slowly at first … watching her face, still waiting for the sign to stop, but instead he saw pleasure and longing and desire and … love.  It was what he had been missing his whole life … it was what he had searched for and thought he’d found with Cecily, but he had been wrong.  What he thought was love paled in comparison to this … he could feel it, he could feel her love on his skin where their bodies touched, he could see it in her eyes, he could hear it in her moans and cries, he could taste it on her lips when he kissed her. It was as if she was drowning in love and he let himself be pulled under the waves with her until he was drowning in it too.

She had promised to show him true love and she had … this was it – it was like a dam breaking within him, that ‘ah-ha’ moment that comes when you can finally see the answer to a puzzle you’d been trying to solve your whole life.  The flood of emotions that had been building behind the dam flowed out of him like a raging river and washed every thought, every doubt, every inhibition away with it.  William found that part of him that she wanted … the visceral, primal animal that exists only in that moment and doesn’t think about the next, and he began slamming into her with more power and passion than he thought existed within him. 

Her moans and cries spurred him on, harder and faster he ploughed into her and she gave back as much passion and power as he delivered.  William held his orgasm back … it wasn’t easy, it took the every bit of the small part of his brain that was still working to control it – he wanted her to scream his name … he wanted to give her as much as she’d given him.

Buffy knew when William found his inner demon … it was like night and day … like William and Spike. Not that Spike couldn’t be gentle, but it was that primal power that she wanted and needed now … it was the inner animal that she wanted William to know, because he’d never had anyone allow him to touch it before.  Spike had shown Buffy how to touch her own inner demon, now it was her turn to return the favor.

“Yes, William! God, yes, baby! Give it all to me … I want it all…William! Yes!” she cried as the small waves of pleasure began building into a tidal wave of ecstasy. 

“Oh, God… Oh … oh …OHHHHH! Christ! Yessss!” William cried out as the last thread of control he had slipped from his grasp.  He felt her warm, velvet walls tighten around his cock, felt her body tremble and then stiffen under him as the wave crashed down on both of them.  William felt like he was drowning … then flying … then drowning again as his cum boiled up, hot and urgent from his testicles and shot into her tight channel.  He’d cum before, of course … but this – this was more than that – it lifted him higher than he thought possible.

Buffy lifted her head up and captured his lips with hers as the scream in her throat demanded to be released. She screamed against his lips as she came, filling William with even more passion, lifting him even higher, until he was no longer being drowned by the waves but soaring over them. William soared faster and higher – it was intoxicating, it was exhilarating … it was a high that he’d never felt before. And then she was there, his beautiful Guardian Angel, and he was in her arms and they were laughing and loving and dancing on the clouds. It seemed to go on forever … they jumped from one cloud to the next … then up into the stars, soaring high above the clouds.  He’d never known anything like this before … he’d never know such a thing existed, to be so free, to be so … visceral.

As they came back to their bodies … both gasping for breath, lungs struggling for air, chests heaving as their muscles and brains demanded oxygen, William collapsed down on top of her … he hadn’t meant to do that, but he had nothing left. She’d wanted it all and he had given her everything … not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually … he had given his mind, body, heart, and soul to her and he knew that she had given all to him, as well.  She had promised to show him what true love felt like … and she had.

William lifted his head from where it rested beside hers and began dropping soft, sweet kisses over her face. “I never … knew … this … was … possible,” he told her between kisses. “I … never … knew … this … existed.”

“This is true love, William … that’s what it feels like when two souls become one,” Buffy explained to him as she held his body against hers with arms and legs. 

“Stay …” William blurted out suddenly, pulling back slightly and gazing wondrously into her eyes. “Stay with me. I can … I’ll leave Cecily – take the children, run away. We can be together. Say you’ll stay,” he demanded giddily.  

He saw a cloud of sadness cross his angel’s face and thought he’d never seen anyone look so forlorn and lost … just as her tears broke his heart, that look seemed to stab deep into his soul.

“I … I can’t … William, I can’t stay. I only have a short time here. This isn’t my place,” Buffy explained.

“I’ll… I’ll come with you then – anywhere. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth,” he offered.

Tears fell from Buffy’s eyes as she shook her head. “I … I don’t know how … and our … the babies need you here, William. Your son will need you … the girls need you.”

Tears glistened in William’s eyes and he blinked them back and nodded. “Of course, I understand,” he told her stoically, as he pressed up and off her.

“No … you don’t understand,” Buffy pleaded. “I would stay if I could. I would!” she insisted as he gathered his clothes and glasses and began quickly pulling everything back on and fastening buttons.

“William, stop! Don’t do this!” she demanded, standing up and laying a hand on his arm.

“You are a fallen angel … the right hand of Satan himself. How can you say you love me? How can you lay with me … show me this heaven you promise, then turn your back?” William asked angrily as tears welled in his eyes.

“No … no, no – you don’t understand,” Buffy pleaded. “I just wanted to … I wanted to give you what you gave me – I wanted to show you what love can be,” Buffy explained as she began picking her own clothes up and pulling them back on as tears fell freely from her own eyes.

“Congratulations … you have succeeded, my dear, Avengelyne,” William announced, trying to keep his voice angry and not show her how much she’d hurt him. He quickly finished buttoning his shirt and pulled his suspenders up over his shoulders before turning and running from the pavilion, pulling his overcoat back on as he ran. He had to get away from her … away from the heartache and the pain – he had, in the same moment, found and lost everything he’d ever been searching for his whole life.

“William!” Buffy called after him, still trying to get her jeans back on. “Please, come back!” she called as she started down the stairs after him, barefoot and shirtless. She ran back and grabbed her shoes and t-shirt and started after him again, but in the dim light, she couldn’t tell which way he’d gone.  Buffy kept moving and calling him, pulling her shirt and shoes on as she looked for a trail in the snow, but it was too dark and he didn’t answer her cries … he was gone.

Buffy dropped down to her knees in the snow, still calling his name, begging him to come back, to try and understand … but he never returned.  She had only wanted to show him what was possible … what love really was, that there was nothing wrong with him, that the problem lay with Cecily, not him.  She had, again, followed her heart and again, it had led her astray.  She had done the one thing that she never wanted to do … she’d hurt William – she’d done more than hurt him, she’d broken his heart. She’d shown him heaven then cruelly snatched it away. Buffy curled up on the cold ground as the snow continued to fall softly from the dark sky and sobbed, wishing that the cold would simply engulf her and put her out of her misery, once and for all.

Buffy laid in the snow crying and cursing herself for a long while, until there were no tears left to shed, only pulling herself up when she began shivering uncontrollably from the cold. She didn’t know how long she’d lain there on the frozen, hard ground, but the sun was just rising in the east and it lit up the whole sky in shades of pink and purple and gold.  The snow had stopped falling and the whole park was perfectly still and quiet and covered in a blanket of white. 

Buffy stood up stiffly, every part of her body hurt, from her heart and soul all the way out to her frozen fingers and toes. She turned and headed back to the pavilion, dropped down to her knees at the top of the steps and began to cry anew. Buffy pounded her fists down on the cold, hard floor beneath her in anger and frustration, cracking the frozen stones and sending tingles of pain shooting up her arms.

“So stupid … such a stupid, stupid fool,” Buffy scolded herself yet again as she collapsed all the way down onto the floor and sobbed. She sobbed for herself, she sobbed for William, and she sobbed for her children – children who she would never have, children she would never see grow up, children she would never comfort during a thunderstorm or take trick or treating or shuttle to soccer games or band practice or dance recitals; children she would never again see sleeping in their father’s arms; children who were now Cecily’s.

She had done as Wanda had advised her, she had followed her heart; she had done as her mom asked and saved all their children by warning William of the danger to his, to their, son, but none of it made any difference at all. Apparently, she was incapable of finding the right path … the path that would lead her back home; all she’d done was hurt William by coming here … and that hurt her just as deeply.

Buffy thought briefly of going back down Macaulay Road … of going and finding William to try to make him understand … or to forgive her for what she’d done, how she’d hurt him.  But, in the end, she decided that would only make things worse … so she stayed where she was as the sun rose over the park and people began moving through the Commons … living their lives as if everything was normal, as if everything was fine.  A feeling of complete and utter isolation came over Buffy, like she was the only one in the entire world that knew that the world had changed and she was, apparently, the only one that cared. She felt like an alien that had been left behind by her spaceship or who had crash-landed in some bizarre and unexplored world. ‘ET phone home…’

Buffy curled into a tight ball on the hard stone floor of the bandstand; her heart was as heavy now as the day she’d lost Spike, in fact it felt very much like she’d just lost him all over again.  She prayed for a bolt from the blue to come and strike her down … or perhaps Jack the Ripper could come and slit her throat … or a meteor could come and crash into the earth and bury her … or maybe some aliens could come and actually abduct her or perhaps, when she did finally get back to her own time, back to L.A., she’d simply find more pills and finish what she’d started before.  Certainly that would be one thing that even she couldn’t fuck up twice…