Friday, February 17^th, 2005:

In limbo/purgatory…

Spike wrapped his arms back around her and tucked her head under his chin as tears stung his eyes again. “I feel the same way, luv,” he whispered to her.  “I love you so much, but I’m always at your side, Buffy. Don’t ever feel that you’ve lost me – I’ll always be right here,” Spike told her softly, laying a hand on her heart. “You’re never alone; I’ll always be with you, my love will always linger just beyond the shadows until we both find the light again.”

Tears stung Buffy’s eyes as she raised her head and looked up at Spike.  “I promise that I’ll bring us both back into the light … I promise with all my heart,” she vowed quietly and Spike gave her a sad smile and nodded.

He knew she would try, but even if she succeeded, he wasn’t sure he could ever be in the light again.  His soul felt heavy … drenched in the blood of innocents – they had always been there, whispering in the corners of his mind, but now they shouted, insisted they be heard, demanded his full attention. He tried ignoring them, tried reasoning with them, arguing with them, screaming at them, apologizing to them, pleading with them … nothing would stop them from filling his entire being with guilt and regrets – so many regrets.  He didn’t know how he could ever walk in the light again, how he could look his children in the eyes. How could he ever lay down with Buffy again without hearing them screaming at him, telling him that he was a fraud; he wasn’t a Champion, he was a murderer; he wasn’t a man, he was a monster. He could hear them mocking him even now … he didn’t deserve her love or the life that she’d given him – he didn’t deserve anything but to burn in the pit of hell for all eternity.

“How can they torture you like this?  Can’t they see what I see? Can’t they see the Champion?” Buffy asked, as if reading his mind.

Spike shrugged. “I reckon they’d say you’re biased, pet,” Spike said with a sigh.

“No, I am not! Well, maybe a little – but any idiot can see that you’ve more than made up for what the demon did, anyone could see that you’re a good man – that you don’t deserve this,” Buffy argued.

Spike looked at her with awe – he never really fully understood how she could love him so completely, how she could forgive him his past – how she could believe in him so fully. “Why … why do you believe in me?”

Buffy laid a hand on Spike’s cheek and looked into the deep pools of blue that were the windows to his soul. “You did battle with the demon within, and you won, time and again. You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You gave up everything you knew, risked everything to help me defeat Angelus even before there was anything between us except the thinnest thread of trust. You did it to be a better man, and you are. There’s no one I would rather have by my side in a fight; no one I would rather have as the father of my children; no one I would rather have as my best friend, and no one I would rather have as my lover than you.”

“I did it to keep the world safe for happy meals…” Spike pointed out.

Buffy shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You can’t bullshit me, Spike … we’re way too far past that now; I know your heart, I know better.

“You once told me I was the one … but you were wrong – you’re the one. You’re the one that gives me strength and courage and hope. You’re the one, Spike.”

Spike shook his head slowly, silently disagreeing with her. Buffy sat up and swung one leg over both of Spike’s, sitting in his lap and facing him and he laid his palms on her hips. She took his face in both her hands and lifted it to hers. “Close your eyes and just feel my heart …” Buffy whispered to him.

When Spike closed his eyes, Buffy began feathering soft kisses over his face, kissing the trail of tears from his cheeks, pressing her lips to his closed eyelids, then over his brows, forehead, and down the side of his face, along one sharp cheekbone, to his full lips.  Buffy’s lips hovered over his as she concentrated on opening her heart to him. Even though the bond hadn’t worked in this fucked-up place, she could still feel his soul and she knew he had to be able to feel hers.  She wanted to take some of his pain away, replace it with the love and devotion she felt for him – push the misery out of his heart and replace it with hope, light a candle in his soul to help chase the ghosts away.

Spike felt his body and mind slowly relax as Buffy brushed kisses softly over his face – the familiarity of her touch was like a child’s security blanket, giving him comfort and solace, making him feel safe in her embrace. The voices slowly quieted, moving back into the shadowy back alleys of his mind, until he could barely hear them. Finally, all he could hear was her heartbeat, all he could feel were her lips on his face, all he could see behind his closed lids was her golden hair falling like a shimmering waterfall across his skin, and his heart and soul let their guards down and opened their gates, letting her in and taking strength from hers. 

He’d felt her love for him before – across the bond, and it had always amazed him – this was no different. How could she hold so much love for him within her heart? A feeling of warmth washed over him … he suddenly felt completely safe, like a ship taking refuge in a harbor sheltered from the storm – he felt at ease for the first time in a very, very long time.  His heart and his soul were safe with her – he knew she would protect them inside her own; only Buffy could touch that deepest part of him – that part belonged to her and her alone. 

Spike suddenly felt a flicker of hope spring to life, hope that he could make it back to her one day – as if she’d dropped a lighted match down into the deepest, darkest corner of his soul and ignited the embers that he thought had been forever lost. He had hope that he could stand in the light with her again, because there would always be that place within him that nothing else could ever touch – not the ghosts, not the judges, not even God or Satan – only Buffy could find it, and he hoped that small flame would be enough – that it would be enough to build the fire again and heal his heart.

Spike wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body against his, burying his face against her shoulder and sobbed with relief.  He had nearly forgotten what hope felt like … she had given him his hope back, hope that one day this nightmare would end, they would be together again, they would have their children back and their life back – he just had to hold on; he just had to fight and cling to the faith she had in him like a life preserver and never let go.

“I love you, Buffy,” Spike murmured against her skin as she wrapped her arms around him and held him to her. “A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you.”

“Oh, baby, I love you so much,” Buffy whispered through her own tears – when he opened his heart to her, she could feel his anguish, his guilt, his desperation, and the darkness in his soul.  It ripped her own heart to shreds to know he was going through this and facing it all alone – at least she had Dawn to help her; he had no one at all.

Buffy lifted his face to hers and kissed him gently, feathering her lips over his, kissing his bottom lip softly, as if he would break if she pressed too hard.  “I love you…” she repeated, murmuring against his lips and Spike deepened the kiss, tightening his arms around her body and pressing his tongue between her soft lips to taste her. 

There was nothing else that tasted like Buffy … she always tasted like heaven to him … sometimes drenched in chocolate or garlic or champagne … but the underlying flavor was of heaven, he was sure.  He knew he’d never be able to confirm that … he’d never see heaven, and God might say that he was biased, but it didn’t matter – she was his heaven and he would hold on to her love with his last gasp, with his last thread of hope.

Suddenly Spike released her and sat back, his eyes wide with worry. “Your shoulder! I’m sorry … Buffy, I forgot! Oh, God – Buffy I’m so sorry, pet!”

Buffy shook her head and smiled at him, lifting her left arm up in the air and making a large circle with it, before settling it back around his neck. “All better …”

“B-but how, luv? It was … buggered,” Spike questioned. In fact, Spike knew it was worse than bad, he thought that she’d died from the infection … he thought that was why she’d disappeared before and hadn't been back.

Buffy shrugged. “Apparently we have two people on our side – Dawn, who made sure I woke up, and the Guardians, who drew me to the scythe and left a little extra magic in it,” Buffy explained, tilting her head towards the scythe now lying on the ground not far from them.

Spike smiled softly. “Give Dawn my love … and, when you find Hallie, cut her into little bits with that axe o’ yours, yeah?” Spike requested, reaching out and pulling the scythe closer to them.

Buffy laughed lightly. “It will be my pleasure … now, where were we?” she asked, leaning back in and capturing his lips with hers again.

Spike wrapped his arms back around her again, pulling her body against his with renewed vigor as her tongue delved into his mouth and danced a slow waltz with his.  Buffy moaned against his lips as he ran his hands down her sides, across the swell of her breasts, to her hips and outside thighs, then back up again.  It seemed like years since she’d felt his touch, and his palms on her body, even through her clothes, sent shivers down her spine and made her whole body tingle.

“Make love to me,” Buffy murmured against his lips, as she pulled away from him and lay back in the sand.  Spike crawled on his hands and knees up her body and dropped kisses all over her face and neck, trailing his tongue down until it was stopped by the collar of her shirt.  He tugged her t-shirt up over her head and Buffy lifted her arms as he pulled it off.  Buffy watched his eyes … the eyes that had not long ago been those of a frightened child were now Spike’s again, the Spike she knew so well – full of love and passion and yearning; that was a look she wanted to see every day for the rest of her life.

When her t-shirt was off, Spike continued his exploration of her body with his lips and tongue, stopping in the center of her breastbone where the scar from the amulet had been, and swirling his tongue around that spot with a sigh.  Buffy lifted his left hand from the sand and Spike sat back as she laid his hand on her chest. “It’s still there …” she whispered to him. “It’s just on the inside now – locked in our memories and burned into our souls instead of on our skin.”  

Spike nodded slowly as he pulled her hand, which had covered his on her chest, up to his lips and kissed it gently before leaning back down and capturing her mouth again with his.  Spike started his journey anew, his mouth roaming down her neck then across her collarbone. When he reached her bra, he slid the straps down her arms, revealing her breasts to him. 

“So beautiful you are, pet…” he whispered as he circled one areola with his tongue, causing Buffy’s nipples to harden and her back to arch against him as she moaned with longing and desire.

Spike turned her bra around so the clasps were within reach and unhooked it, letting it fall away completely before he continued his journey down her body with his hands and mouth.  Her body wasn’t that of his wife … it was thinner and missing the scars that he loved so much – the scars that showed the world what she was, her badges of honor and courage, but it was still Buffy. He knew that this was his wife, the love of his life, the mother of his children, his best friend, his most ardent supporter – his soul mate; he could feel her in his heart, in his soul.  She was right, the scars were still there, they were just on the inside now. Her moans were the same, the goose bumps on her flesh were the same, the way she moved was the same, the way she smelled and tasted and called his name … none of that had changed.

At her waist, Spike unbuttoned her jeans and slid the zipper down slowly. Buffy raised her hips up and Spike slid her jeans and thong down her thighs. Every place his skin touched hers felt like it was on fire, and every lick, every kiss was like tossing gasoline on the flames. Buffy was ablaze with desire and need for him and Spike’s yearning was urging him to go faster, but he kept the pace slow, kept his touches light and gentle. He didn’t know when or if they would be together again, despite the flicker of hope in his soul. If this was to be their last time together, he wanted her to remember the man that adored her as a gentle man, he wanted her to remember light touches and tender caresses, he wanted her to remember his love and forget the monster, forget all the bad that he’d done in the past.

When his mouth reached the spot on her lower abdomen where her c-section scar had been, Spike paused again, lingering in that area for a long while as he blinked back tears.  It was one thing for the scar from the amulet to be gone … that memory could be held in their souls, but for the scar from the birth of their son to be gone, well … that just wasn’t the same.  You couldn’t hold a memory in your arms … you couldn’t have hopes and dreams for a memory … you couldn’t watch a memory grow from a boy to a man.

Misunderstanding the reason for his long pause, Buffy said, “A lot less of me to love in this body, huh? … It’s like the girl you fell in love with – do you remember?”

Spike furrowed his brow and moved back up her body so he could look into her eyes, supporting himself on all fours above her. “I remember the girl … it’s true, I loved the girl first, but I love the woman even more. The girl is still there – in your laugh, in the evil glint you get in your beautiful eyes when know you’ve pulled one over on Big Bad, in the joy of a shoppin' trip.  I still love the girl, Buffy – but don’t ever think that I want her back.  The woman that girl grew into is the one I want – always and forever. She was perfect; don’t ever think that woman needs to change, Buffy – you’re amazing, just the way you are.

“I wish you could see what I see when I look at you, luv. You’re so beautiful, so bloody beautiful, inside and out – eyeballs to entrails, my sweet Slayer,” Spike assured her, his eyes locked onto hers – at least they hadn’t changed – they were still the deep pools of cool green that he knew and loved so much.

Tears stung Buffy’s eyes and she gave him a small smile. “Some may say that you’re biased…”

“Ahhh, well … I reckon so,” Spike agreed with a smirk. “‘Cos the journey from that girl to the woman that I love was traveled at my side, as my wife, my lover, my best friend, the mother of our babies – you’re everything to me, Buffy – and nothing would make me happier than to walk to the end of the bloody world with you.”

A sob escaped Buffy’s throat and she pulled Spike down against her, capturing his lips with hers as she wrapped her arms around his neck.  “There’s no one I’d rather have by my side for all eternity than you,” Buffy whispered into his ear after the kiss broke.

Spike kissed her lips again, nibbling lightly on her bottom lip with his teeth, then moving down and nibbling gently on her chin before starting his trek back down her body again … grazing her skin tenderly with his teeth and lips and igniting new fires, while fanning the flames of the ones he’d started earlier, all down her body.  Spike chose a path down her right hip this time, rather than over the middle of her abdomen, and worked to push the thoughts of their children from his mind – this moment was about Buffy … everything else could wait.

Buffy moaned as he swept his mouth slowly down her thigh then back up from her knee to her burning center. Spike raised her legs over his shoulders and settled between them and Buffy held her breath in anticipation.  Spike held her pussy lips open with his fingers and blew a soft, cool shaft of air against her clit and Buffy’s hips jerked up as she moaned and reached down to touch him.  Her hands fell against his strong shoulders as Spike continued to tease and tantalize her body, replacing the delicate stream of air with the velvety touch of his tongue to her most sensitive spot.

“Oh, Spike …” Buffy moaned low as her back arched and her fingers dug into Spike’s trapezius muscles at the top of his shoulders.  A small orgasm passed through her body like one of Spike’s ghosts … ethereal and impalpable; she almost felt like her body floated up off the floor of the cave for a few beautiful moments.  Spike barely let her come back down before he circled her clit and laved her cum from her throbbing slit – his every move slow and divine … and making Buffy crazy with desire for him. She needed him inside her, needed his whole body touching hers, needed his eyes gazing into hers …

Buffy sat up and pulled her legs off his shoulders as she pushed Spike back onto his heels.  Buffy ran her hands down his bare chest and across the hard muscles of his stomach.  His body looked nearly the same as he had in their world – the only differences were his hair, long and light brown, his missing scars, and his clothes, which were obviously William’s and not Spike’s.

“I need you now …” she murmured as her hands sought out the top button of his trousers and began to undo it.

Spike sat still and watched her … his cock hungered for her touch … ached to be inside her heat, but this wasn’t about him, this was about her, and he refused to rush through it. By the same token, since it was about Buffy, he would let her guide him where she wanted to go and decide when she wanted to go there.

Spike moaned when Buffy’s hand wrapped around his hard cock after releasing it from his britches.  Spike stood up momentarily to step out of his trousers, and then dropped back down to his knees in front of her.  Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him with her as she lay back on the cold sand … but she didn’t feel the cold now – all she could feel was Spike’s hard body pressing against hers, all she could see was the blue of his eyes, all she could think about at that moment was her love for him.

Spike was transfixed … hypnotized by Buffy’s eyes; he let her pull him down atop her as they both moved ever so slowly back onto the cold floor of the cave.  Her eyes were like magic … they blocked out the voices, they blocked out the sadness and the worry and the lunacy that had plagued his mind in this place, until all he was aware of was the green pools of love that seemed to wrap around him with a comforting shroud. 

Then his body was pressing against hers – her flesh was warm and supple against his chest and stomach, it was his own personal heaven.  He knew he’d never see the one that Buffy had described to him, but he found it every time he lay down with her, every time he looked at her; he found it in her eyes, in her smile, in her love – and now he clung to that feeling with every fiber of his being. He knew it would be fleeting, he knew he would likely never feel it again – it was only with her that he could find heaven; it was only her belief in him that let him pass through the gates into the Utopia that she created with her love.

Buffy kept her eyes locked on Spike’s as she pulled him down to her, they were the one thing that she could count on to never change. Always so expressive, and now was no different, she could almost see his fears and worries fall away, for this moment, at least, she could take his pain away – it wasn’t much, but it was all she could give for now.  She again vowed to herself that she would succeed in fixing this – she never wanted to see fear and sadness in his eyes again, she never wanted to feel his soul bleed or his heart break. 

Buffy pulled Spike’s body down against hers; forehead to forehead, she wrapped her arms around his back and her legs around his hips and held him tight as she willed for the millionth time for this nightmare to end … for them to suddenly wake up and be home, in their bed, in their room, in their house on Crawford Street with their children sleeping peacefully down the hall and all their friends nearby … and for the millionth time, it didn’t work.

Buffy turned her head to the side and closed her eyes so Spike wouldn’t see her tears, then whispered, “Can you just hold me a minute?” softly against his ear.

“I would hold you forever, pet…” Spike replied softly as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, relaxed his body against hers, and held her as tightly as she was holding him.  

After a few minutes, Spike rose up onto his elbows and kissed the tears away that had leaked from her eyelids and Buffy blinked her eyes open and looked up at him. 

“I’m sorry … I wanted to … I thought I could …” she started before sobs overtook her. She brought one hand up and covered her eyes as she continued to cry uncontrollably under him. “I just wanted to … take your pain away … for a while,” she gasped out finally.

“Having you near takes my pain away, luv … I wish I could take yours, because I would happily bear it for you if I could.

“I love you, Buffy,” he whispered to her. “You and you alone make me feel alive; other men have seen angels, but I’ve seen you, and that's enough. You are my heaven … my sweet, strong Slayer.”

A sob shook Buffy’s body and she pulled back Spike down against her again as she wrapped her arms around his back. “I love you … I love you so much, Spike. I promise that I’ll get our family back, I promise that you’ll see the real heaven one day … I swear it.”

“I’ve seen it, luv … I see it in your eyes, in your smile – I’ve seen it in our children.  You’ve made my life complete, Buffy – I would’ve wished for it to be longer – but my love for you is eternal, the flame will never die. My soul will find yours one day and we’ll be together again, if not in this life, then in another time and another place, I promise you,” Spike whispered back to her as he wrapped his arms back around her shoulders and dropped his mouth next to her ear.

“Oh, Spike …” Buffy tried to stop crying, that wasn’t what she wanted to do, she wanted to take his pain away for a little while, at least, not add to it, but she lost the battle as tears continued to leak from her eyes.

Spike rose back up onto his elbows and gazed down on her. “Please don’t cry, Buffy …”

Buffy closed her eyes tightly and tried to stop the tears, she tried to think of happy times they’d spent together and tell herself that there were more happy times to come, and not in some future life, in this life – she could and would fix everything; everything would be all right … but she was unable to stop the flood.

“Buffy, luv, look at me,” Spike requested softly.  “Look into my eyes …”

Buffy opened her eyes and looked into his. They hadn’t changed – no matter what else changed about him, his eyes were the same.  That beautiful blue with small flecks of gold, and now they held that look of love and adoration that she loved so much – she longed to see that look every day for the rest of her life. She never wanted to see the sadness and misery that he’d worn since the trials began in Spike’s eyes again – that look was like a knife to her heart.

“Put everything else aside and just look into my eyes – just be, just feel, don’t think.  Feel my love for you, feel my heart … it belongs to only you.  There’s nothing else in the world right now except you and me and our love, yeah?  Can you see it in my eyes? Can you feel it?” Spike asked her gently.

Buffy nodded slowly, never taking her eyes away from his.  Buffy concentrated on putting everything else out of her mind except the blue of Spike’s eyes and the love for her that poured out of them and washed over her. She studied Spike’s eyes … the dark and light streaks of blue that gave them such depth, and the small gold flecks that held the demon just behind the man – they were the eyes she wanted to wake up to every morning for the rest of eternity.  

Giles had tried to teach her this once during one of his more transcendental periods … When a thought pops unbidden into your mind, open a door and shove the thought behind it then close the door. That thought can wait behind the door … you don’t need to pay attention to it now, he’d explained at the time. Buffy didn’t really get the point of it then … but she did now, and she started slamming figurative doors on the thoughts that popped into her mind, but she couldn’t quite get her tears to stop trickling from her eyes.

Spike could feel her relax under him, feel the stress and worry slowly dissolve as she gazed into his eyes and he gazed into hers, until there was nothing else in the entire universe except them at that moment. There was no heaven or hell, no purgatory … there wasn’t even an earth, there was only them, surrounded by a cocoon of love, and that love blocked out everything else.

Spike leaned down and began kissing her tears away … kissing her damp cheeks and then around her eyes. Buffy closed her eyes as he kissed the tears away from her eyelids and the blue of his eyes was replaced by the blue of the butterfly in the soul paradise behind her closed lids, but as hard as she tried, she simply couldn’t get her tears to stop completely.  In her mind’s eye, she watched the blue butterfly flutter around the dusty pink rose bush, as if waiting for her to return, as Spike continued to kiss her face gently with his soft lips. 

Buffy let her legs fall off of Spike’s hips and rested her feet on the ground as everything else fell away but Spike’s words. There’s nothing else except you and me and our love … nothing else…nothing else… But no matter how she tried, the tears continued to flow.  Her left foot came to rest on the handle of the scythe where it lay beside them and suddenly a feeling of peace came over her … all the unbidden thoughts quieted behind their doors … and somehow she felt like all there was in the world was her and Spike.

Spike suddenly stopped kissing her and looked up from her face in surprise as he felt a soft, warm rain falling on his back. He’d never seen rain in purgatory … and definitely never felt anything warm here except Buffy.

At the same time Spike stopped kissing her, Buffy’s eyes flew open – the sweet perfume of roses filled the air and instead of the cold, hard sand of the cave, she felt warm, soft grass under her back. A mist of warm rain fell on the parts of her that Spike wasn’t covering and her arms and legs glistened in the sun. They were in the butterfly soul paradise … lying on the soft grass next to ‘their’ rose bush as a soft rain fell from a blue, cloudless sky.

“OH MY GOD!” she exclaimed. “We did it! We got out!” she screamed, hugging Spike tighter as a gleeful smile spread across her face and her tears of sorrow turned to tears of joy.

Spike looked back down at her and had to smile himself. There it was! There was the smile! There was his heaven!

“You got us out, pet … not we – you,” Spike assured her as he smiled down on her.

“No … we did it, ‘cos we’re always stronger together … together we can win, Spike! Can you feel it? I know we can!” she exclaimed, almost giddy from happiness that they were both out of the hellish limbo that Spike had been trapped in for so long.

There was that hope again. Buffy was pouring it over him like sweet, warm Maple syrup, practically drowning him in the hope that they could win … that she could get him and their family back and set the world right. It was still only a flicker in his soul, but it was more hope than he’d had in a very long time, and looking at her face, so full of love and excitement and happiness, he couldn’t help but feel that small flame of hope burn a little brighter.

Buffy lifted her head up until her mouth was against Spike’s ear and whispered, “Make love to me …”

Spike lifted up onto his arms as Buffy loosened her grip on his now glistening body and he lined his hips up with hers, sliding his cock down her wet slit until it found the heaven it had been craving.  Buffy moaned, her eyes closed involuntarily, and her back arched as he paused, the head of his hard rod pressing lightly against her throbbing hole. 

“Look at me, pet … let me see your eyes…” he whispered as he started to press into her heat.

Buffy opened her eyes and looked up at him. As they gazed into each other’s eyes, Spike pressed into her and Buffy raised her hips slowly up to meet his, wrapping her legs back around his body. Another small orgasm fluttered through her as he pressed in and she suddenly felt like one of the butterflies, flying silently on delicate wings from flower to fragrant flower – she felt free. All the worries, all the fears were locked behind their doors – and she was free for the first time in what seemed years, but certainly had been no more than a month.  Buffy moaned deeply as chill bumps raced over her body and she trembled and quivered under Spike as she came. 

Tears of joy fell from her eyes … she hadn’t been sure she could even feel that free again … of course it would be Spike that could give her these moments in heaven; only Spike.  As her tears began to fall again, the soft rain, that had nearly stopped a few moments ago, started again and bathed them both in warm, clear droplets of water.  Buffy ran her hands down from Spike’s shoulders, across his hard back to his buttocks and back up again. His soft, wet skin in sharp contrast to the hard muscles beneath – if she was his heaven, then most certainly the opposite was also true – he was hers.

The lovers kept their eyes locked onto the other, neither wavering – blue and green drawn to each other like a magnet to steel. As Buffy came back down from her climax, Spike began to move against her, pulling out slowly then pushing back into her core just as gently.  Buffy matched his slow rhythm with her hips lifting up to his on every stroke while she continued to run her hands up from his strong arms, to his shoulders, down his back to his hard ass then back up again.  She could never get enough of the feel of his body against hers, never get enough of how his muscles moved and flexed when he was making love to her, never get enough of how she felt complete when he was buried deep inside her.

Spike ground his hips in a slow circle on each downstroke, pressing his pubic bone hard against her clit, which sent electrical shocks, like lightning bolts, down Buffy’s legs and curled her toes.  Buffy’s back arched up, pressing her body against him and Spike leaned down and sucked one hard nipple between his lips before nibbling on it lightly with his teeth.

“Oh, Spike … God, baby, so good…you feel so good, ahhhhhh, baby, yes … I love you, love you, so much…” Buffy murmured to him as the fires that he’d started earlier all suddenly ignited again across her whole body and seemed to consume her within their yearning and passion. 

“I love you, Buffy … so bloody beautiful, you are, pet … always so wet, so hot – oh, what you do to me, luv - you’ll never know – never know how much I love you, never know how perfect you are,” Spike whispered back to her as he began to increase his pace and lift her back up to heaven.

“Yes … yes, Spike … God, yes!” Buffy exclaimed as he increased the pace and force of his strokes into her.  He knew her so well, he knew just what she needed, and he could always send her body and spirit soaring – flying free, high above the clouds. 

They fit together so perfectly … their sharp minds, their warrior spirits, their hero souls. They connected on so many levels, each building on the last and fusing the two parts into one whole, creating a beautiful, colorful mosaic of love and devotion. The mosaic of their life, of their love, had blues and greens swirling and touching and melding together, creating even more, beautiful and wondrous colors. It was a montage of their life - never simple, never easy - but always breathtaking ... always turning and changing, with the blue never straying far from the green. And, at moments like this, there was nothing more perfect, as they gave themselves fully to the other – mind, body, and spirit, the blues and greens swirled together in a tornado of passion, until all that was left was a blur of color and light and joy.

Spike felt Buffy begin to lose control as her body quivered and tensed under him and her velvet walls tightened around his shaft, pulling him deep into her core. He stopped holding back, slamming into her hard and fast until her arms and legs and pussy all held him so tight that he could no longer move.  The lovers fought to keep their eyes open … locked onto the other’s as their bodies let go of everything and they both flew on gossamer wings up through the raindrops towards the brilliant sun. 

As if in a dream, they both heard Buffy’s scream and Spike’s roar of release as their bodies convulsed and climaxed … but it seemed far away – far below them, as they fluttered their wings and soared higher and higher.  Then the raindrops, like Buffy’s tears, were gone, replaced by brilliant rays of golden sun, and the green butterfly and the blue butterfly waltzed together on the shafts of sunlight, spinning and flying, then gliding down gently before rising up again, circling each other in a joyous, graceful dance of pure love.

Their souls had never felt as close as they did in this moment – both unprotected, defenseless, and fragile – completely exposed and vulnerable.  They had given everything to the other – they had taken the other’s fears, pain, sadness, and worries and bore them as their own for no other reason than they could.  There were no ulterior motives, no hidden agendas, and no hope for anything in return other than knowing that they had eased the burden for the other, and that was all the reward they wanted.  They knew their time free of worry would be fleeting, but even giving one moment of joy to their soul mate during this sorrowful and turbulent time was worth everything – because that’s what you did when you loved someone so deeply, you lightened their burdens and you gave each other hope.

**~**