Friday, August 20^th, 2004:

Xander pulled into the cemetery where Joyce and Buffy had been buried.  He’d been driving around looking for Buffy since Tara had called him earlier saying that she sounded suicidal. Willow had called back to let him know they had found her with the locator spell, and that Spike was on his way, but everyone needed to get there as soon as possible.

Xander jogged the familiar path to the back of the cemetery where the Summers’ graves were. He saw Buffy lying atop her own grave, as if wishing to be sucked back into it via osmosis. She didn’t move or open her eyes when he walked up next to her. Xander squatted down and touched her arm.

“Go away…” Buffy said without opening her eyes. Her arms were still folded over her chest like an Egyptian mummy.

“Ok,” Xander said, standing up. “So, what’s your plan?” he asked her, looking around the area. “Wait for a vamp to come along looking for a meal … or were you just gonna lay there and die of old age?”

“Whichever comes first…” Buffy responded, keeping her eyes closed. “Please go away.”

“Right,” Xander said dryly as he backed up a step. “You know, you and Spike are a lot alike…”

Buffy snorted and let out a humorless laugh. “Please just go away.”

“Gee, Xander … how are Spike and I alike?” Xander mocked, raising his voice several octaves to mimic her.

“Well, I’ll tell ya, Buff. Spike laid right there in that very spot the day after your funeral … waiting for the sun to come up – and here you are, taking the easy way out, just like him,” Xander informed her. “For being all superhero-y and excessive with the muscle power, you are two of the weakest, most lovelorn people I’ve ever known.”

Buffy jumped up off the ground and pushed Xander in the chest, sending him stumbling back several feet. “FUCK YOU!” she screamed at him as she moved forward and pushed him again just as he got his balance. “You don’t know anything!

“GET OUT! GO AWAY!” she yelled at him as she moved forward and shoved him again.

“I don’t know anything? Really? ‘Cause ya know, I think I might’ve struck a nerve there,” Xander opined as he caught his balance again. “I see a lot – I don’t have any superhero genes or witchy powers or vampire eyeballs … I’m just regular Joe. I go to work and I come home and I provide for my family and I watch you guys save the world. I bring the donuts and roast marshmallows over the fires of hell that you walk through, and I try to help … but mostly I watch.

“I know you and Spike are having a rough time, but that’s not the end of the world, Buffy …” Xander assured her.

“Yes it is …” Buffy told him, her voice barely a whisper as she turned around and walked back to her grave. “Please go away …” 

“He loves you, Buffy …” Xander called back to her, but she just laid back down atop her grave, folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes again.

“No…he doesn’t,” she replied so softly Xander could barely hear her.

Xander blew out a long breath and backed up a ways to sit atop one of the larger headstones in the area.  He’d make sure she was ok until the calvary arrived…

Xander was the first to admit he’d been wrong about Spike at first – Spike and Buffy were like two pieces to one whole … but even the closest of couples had problems now and then, and with all the Slayage and world saving, apocalypse averting stuff they did, it’s a wonder they didn’t have more problems. Plus there was that wide stubborn streak that they both had running through them.

He hated seeing his friends in pain … but he knew Buffy was wrong – no matter how pig-headed Spike acted sometimes, he would always love Buffy; and she would always love him.

“Where is she?” he heard Spike ask from behind him as he ran up to where Xander was sitting.

Xander stood up and waved his arm towards the Summers’ graves and Spike followed it with his eyes.

“What the bloody hell is she doin’?” Spike asked, looking at her with confusion.

“Waiting for a vamp to come along and ‘GEEETTCH’, Xander told him, grabbing Spike by the neck and squeezing with his fingers to mimic biting.

“Bloody hell…” Spike intoned, shaking his head.

“Why did you tell her you didn’t love her?” Xander asked, as he sat back down on the tombstone and looked up at Spike.

“I never said that …” Spike defended.

Xander raised his brows. “She was pretty sure about it …”

“Well…I mighta said some things that she mighta misconstrued …” Spike admitted.

“Yeah, well you better start re-construing them …” Xander advised him. “I’ll stay here… she already hit me three times … that’s all this old body can take in one night.”

“She hit you?” Spike asked, checking Xander’s face for bruises.

“Well … shoved may be more accurate…I probably misconstrued them, they may have been love taps. She might’ve been coming on to me,” Xander amended. “You go see and let me know if I blew my one chance with her ‘cause I couldn’t tell a ‘love tap’ from a ‘get the fuck away’ tap…”

Spike rolled his eyes and turned to start walking towards Buffy when what she’d been waiting for emerged from the bushes to the side of the grave and dove on her – a vamp.

“Fuck!” Spike exclaimed as he started running, pulling a stake out of the pocket of his duster as he ran. Spike was on them in an instant and plunged the stake into the vamp’s back, right through the heart, just as he started to bite Buffy.

“God damn you, Xander!” Buffy screamed as she shook vampire dust off her face and out of her hair, her eyes still closed.

“Too late for that, Slayer … got damned by Dru long ago …” Spike informed her as he dropped the stake back in his pocket.

“Spike! What are you doing here?” Buffy demanded as she stood up and faced him.

“I could ask you the same thing, Slayer …”

“Just trying to get some peace …” Buffy told Spike, “…but apparently I picked the Grand Central Station of cemetery plots.”

“Funny, looked to me like you were checkin’ out … more lies, is it?” Spike accused.

“What do you care!? What are you even doing here?!” Buffy demanded, glaring at Spike.

“I care ‘cause you made a promise to your daughter to be there for her forever …and here you are breakin’ your word … again!” Spike told her, his hands going to his hips.

“Just what is it you put in that bloody note to her that would explain this?” Spike asked Buffy, waving his arm at her grave.

“I … I told her I was sorry … I couldn’t stay…” Buffy stammered.

“Sorry, is it? Sorry!?” Spike exclaimed, flinging his arms out to the side as he started pacing back and forth on top of Buffy’s grave.

“Your family is sick and bloody tired of your apologies, Slayer! Why don’t you just stop doing stuff that you know beforehand is gonna require an apology later?  Is that so bloody hard for you to figure out?! Are you that fucking thick or just that selfish?!”

“What the fuck do you care, Spike!? I gave you what you wanted! I gave you the divorce, I gave you the kids … I gave you the ring! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?” Buffy screamed at him.

“I want you to start thinkin’ about your family before going off half-cocked and doing stupid shit like turning yourself into demon hors d'oeuvres!” Spike screamed back at her.

“Think about my family?!  I don’t have a fucking family, remember!? You kicked me out! You kicked me out for doing the only thing I could do to protect my family because you wouldn’t help me! You’re so hung up on hating Angel that you couldn’t see the forest for the trees!” Buffy screamed at him as she started pacing back and forth herself.

“Think about my family! You’re a piece of work, Spike! You take everything away from me – take your love away, take my home away – my family away and then you want me to, what? Put a smile on my face and bake cookies for the divorced Slayer’s support group?  Fuck that! You took my life … what I was doing here was just a technicality … I’m already dead!”

Buffy’s anger and frustration boiled over as she screamed at Spike and she shoved him in the chest and pushed him away from her grave.  “This is my family now,” Buffy informed him, waving her arm at her mother’s grave. “This is the only family I have left…”

“You’re the most frustrating woman I’ve ever known!” Spike told her as he moved back towards her, stopping just inches from her and putting his hands on his hips.

“Yeah, well you’re no picnic either – you’re pig-headed and stubborn and … and exasperating!” Buffy shot back.

“Oh, that’s rich! You callin’ me stubborn.  Look up stubborn in the dictionary, they’ve got your bloody picture!” Spike enlightened her.

“Ha-ha!” Buffy mocked. “You wrote the book on stubborn! I’m just a small footnote in history … you invented stubborn! I’ll bet you hold the fucking patent on it!”

“Oh, that’s cute … ya know – I’d almost forgotten how infuriating you are! You’re enough to drive a sane man over the bloody edge of madness!” Spike retorted.

“Well, it’s a good thing no one’s ever accused you of being the least bit sane!”

 "Your mum shoulda tossed you away and kept the bloody stork! Of course, the scrawny legs would be the same!” 

“You know, I felt so miserable without you; it was almost like having you there – thanks for reminding me what an ass you are!"

“My bloody pleasure! Thanks for reminding me what a bloody selfish bitch you are!” Spike retorted.

**~**

Giles, Wesley, and Faith had arrived while Spike and Buffy were arguing and stood near Xander as he sat on the headstone he’d been sitting on since Buffy shoved him away.

“What are they doing?” Wesley asked, looking at the others.

“Making up!” Xander and Faith both enthused.

Wesley looked at Giles with raised brows but Giles just shrugged and removed his glasses and began polishing them.

“Isn’t it romantic?” Xander asked, folding his hands under his chin, tilting his head, and batting his eyelashes like a schoolgirl watching the end of “An Officer and a Gentleman” where Richard Gere carries Debra Winger out of the factory.

“Indeed …” Giles agreed sarcastically. “It’s practically …. Shakespearian…it reminds one of Hamlet.”

“Was that the really romantic one?” Xander asked not taking his eyes off Spike and Buffy. “’Cause this really tugs at your heartstrings…”

**~**

“You’re so bloody selfish, you can’t even see when you’re cuttin’ m’ heart out!” Spike asserted.

“Oh, did I hurt your feelings!? I was saving our daughter’s life! Get the fuck over it! Talk about selfish! Poor Spike got his feelings hurt! You don’t want to hear ‘I’m sorry’ anymore? Well you win! I’m not sorry! I did what I had to do!”

“You did what you wanted to do! You’re the Powers’ willin’ whore, Slayer!” Spike accused.

“I understand the rules! You have to give sometimes in order to get something in return! You should learn that ‘life lesson’ one day, Spike!” Buffy advised him.

“Yeah, you’re mighty free with the givin’ when it comes to Angel!” Spike pointed out.

“And here we are, right back where we started! It’s all about you and Angel! You and Angel both need to grow up! Five hundred years of living between you and you both act like you’re five years old! Annie has more sense than the two of you put together!” Buffy retorted.

“Oh, I suppose we should just kiss and make up – I should just forget all the shit he did and feel the love!” Spike said sarcastically, waving his arms in the air as if to sweep all of Angel’s indiscretions away.

An image of Spike kissing Angel flashed in Buffy’s mind and she shook it off with a frown. “You could just shake hands …” she suggested. “That’s what Annie would do…”

“Bloody brilliant, you’re takin’ advice from our five-year-old now!”

“Well, since you’re acting like a five-year-old, I thought you’d be able to relate!”

“You’re insufferable!” Spike yelled at her, his hands on his hips as the two blonds stood toe to toe.

“Get off my grave!” Buffy yelled at Spike, stepping closer to him.

“Why don’t you put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me!” Spike challenged.

Buffy shoved Spike and he stumbled back off her grave, but caught his balance quickly and moved back towards her and shoved her just as hard.

Buffy came back and swung her right arm at his face, but Spike ducked it as he went down into a crouch and swept one leg out, knocking her feet out from under her. Spike sprang back up and began to twirl into a roundhouse kick, but Buffy grabbed his leg in midair and yanked him down to the ground with her.

Buffy scrambled on top of him and grabbed him by the lapels of his duster and started banging his head and shoulders up and down against the ground at his back.  Spike wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her down to against him and captured her lips in an animalistic kiss.

Buffy opened her mouth and devoured his tongue, sucking it into her heat as her own tongue took up the fight and began sparring with his for control of the kiss. 

**~**

“Damn! I knew she was comin’ on to me! I blew it! Those were just love taps!” Xander moaned as the group, which now included Willow, (Tara stayed home with the kids and Lorne had been unable to get away from the Bronze) watched Buffy and Spike shove, hit, and then kiss each other with wild abandon.

“I think we better go…” Willow suggested to the group.

“Naaaa …this is just gettin’ good!” Faith enthused as she sat down on the headstone next to Xander. “Anyone got popcorn? Jujubes?”

Willow looked back at Buffy and Spike … there was more and more kissing and less shoving and punching going on … “Seriously – let’s go,” Willow said again, turning back to the group.  Giles had already started walking away and Wesley was following him, but Faith and Xander weren’t moving.

“If you don’t leave now, I’ll turn you both in to rats… and don’t think I can’t do it!” Willow threatened.

“Can she do that?” Faith asked Xander, taking her eyes momentarily off Buffy and Spike.

“Totally …” Xander sighed as he stood up slowly.

“Wicked!” Faith said with an evil grin as she gave Willow an ‘atta girl’ punch in the arm and stood up herself. 

Willow winced as she rubbed her arm where Faith hit her … that would leave a bruise. “Thanks…I think.”

“You sure I shouldn’t stay to just, you know – make sure…” Faith suggested, looking back over her shoulder at the blonds.

“Cheese and endless exercise wheels…” Willow threatened. Faith rolled her eyes and turned her head away from Spike and Buffy as they all walked towards the exit of the cemetery.

“I bet I’d have a great ass when you turned me back, though…” Faith commented, patting her butt with one hand.

Xander followed her hand with his eyes as they continued walking out of the cemetery. “Yeah … you could use a Stair Master, for sure…” he commented, keeping his eyes on Faith’s rear end.

Willow shoved him. “You’re married…I’ll turn you into a bunny if you don’t behave!”

“Just looking! Geez … a guy can’t look?”

“Looking’s fine … you should wipe the drool off your chin before you get home, though…” Willow advised him as they reached the parking lot … leaving the cemetery to the demons and lovers.

**~**

Buffy pressed her hips and chest down hard against Spike’s body.  She could feel his erection through their clothes and her body ached for him. Her heart raced in her chest as adrenaline from their fight coursed through her veins and she was forced to release the kiss to take a breath as her lungs began to protest painfully.

“So bloody stubborn, you are, Slayer,” Spike told her when she broke the kiss. “Always gotta be in control, dontchya?”

“Not always … only when I’m right,” Buffy defended breathlessly as she leaned back down against him and seized his mouth violently, passionately with hers.

Spike flipped them over, putting himself on top, never breaking the kiss, as her tongue delved into his mouth and coiled around his like a boa trying to capture its next meal.

Spike growled into her mouth as he pressed his body against hers and took the control away from her as he ravished her mouth with his.  Her body pressing against him felt like heaven … her mouth against his was like sweet ambrosia.

He could feel and smell her desire and it only added fuel to his own fire.  Spike reached one hand down and began pulling her skirt up, raking his strong hand up her thigh and sending bolts of lightning through Buffy’s body as his fingers slid over the bare skin of her thigh.

Buffy turned her head away momentarily to gulp in deep breaths of air as she began tugging at her shirt, trying to get it out from between them and off her body.

“You’re not always right …” Spike pointed out as he ran his tongue down the side of her neck, sending electrical charges out to all parts of her body.

Buffy screamed in frustration and stopped pulling at her shirt. “You can’t admit it, can you?! You can’t admit that I was right to help Angel!” Buffy accused, shoving him off her and standing up as he did the same.

“Me!? You’re the one who was gonna off yourself here t’nite with nothing more than a note to your daughter saying ‘ta-ta’!  That ain’t right, in fact, that’s beyond the bloody pale!”

Buffy looked at him with confusion. “Huh? What pail?” she asked looking around then shaking her head and deciding to just forget it. “That has nothing to do with my question!” she contended.

“It has everything to do with your question! If you think you’re so bloody right, then why are you out here baiting up vamps?” Spike demanded, his hands going to his hips.

“You know what, I have no idea now! I guess I just needed to go somewhere that was all mine … and this is the only place left! My little piece of ground,” Buffy asserted.

“It’s half mine,” Spike pointed out with a smirk.

“I gave you everything else and now you want half of my grave, too!?” Buffy asked him, incredulous.

“Oh, this? This what you’re talkin’ about?” Spike asked, pulling the divorce papers out of his pocket and holding them up in front of her face.  He held the papers in both hands and dramatically ripped them down the middle, flinging the two halves in different directions and scattering them like giant confetti in the breeze.

“Oh, that’s very mature…” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes as she folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

“Well, you said I was five … might as well act my bloody age,” Spike retorted.

“And you said I was insufferable and stubborn …” Buffy argued.

“You are!” Spike pointed out.

“You’re obstinate!” Buffy retorted, stepping closer to him.

“You’re petulant!” Spike countered, leaning in until his face was just inches from hers.

“Pig-headed!” Buffy accused, shoving him with both hands.

“Recalcitrant!” Spike retorted as he shoved her back.

“Obnoxious!” Buffy shot back, shoving him harder.

“Shirty!” Spike replied angrily, as he caught his balance and grabbed her arm and spun her around, pulling her back against his chest and pressing his other arm across her throat.

“Boorish!” Buffy replied through grit teeth as she bent over quickly and flipped him over her head and off; sending him down to the ground onto his back with a dull thud.

“Pig-headed!” Spike threw back as he jumped back up.

“I already used that,” Buffy informed him with a smirk as her hands went to her hips.

“Oh … uhhh … querulous!” Spike amended, moving towards her.

“Irritating!” Buffy continued, standing her ground.

“Annoying!” Spike leaned forward, his face just inches from hers, his hands on his hips matching hers.

“Exasperating!”

“Infuriating!” Spike shot back as they continued to stand toe to toe, screaming at the top of their lungs back and forth.

“Aggravating!” Buffy added to the list, leaning in close enough that Spike could feel her breath on his lips.

“Vex…” Spike started to reply and Buffy silenced him by shoving him back against her headstone and covering his mouth with hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she pressed her body against his, deepening the kiss. She held him a willing captive, caught between her and the hard stone at his back.

Spike pulled her to him with strong arms as they both fought for control of the other … their tongues now battling silently as their lips fused together violently and their bodies pressed together, demanding more.

“God, Buffy …” Spike moaned against her mouth as she pulled herself up and wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Spike…” Buffy moaned back as Spike grabbed her hips in his hands, spun them around, and pressed her ass against the headstone as he pushed his aching cock against her throbbing pussy.

Spike heard a cracking noise and felt the headstone begin to give, so he stepped back with Buffy, keeping his lips locked fiercely onto hers and moved over, pressing her against Joyce’s tombstone.

“No … not here,” Buffy breathed when the flowers she’d brought her Mom touched her back and she realized they were about to have sex on top of her mother’s grave.

Spike looked confused, then the reason for her objection dawned on him. “Right…” he agreed, stepping back away from the headstone with Buffy still wrapped around him like a cheeky monkey as he looked around for a better spot.

There were no crypts in this part of the cemetery … but there were bushes and trees that would provide some level of privacy.  Spike looked around quickly … Xander seemed to be gone, the woods would work.

As Spike was trying to get his brain to function enough to decide where to go, Buffy pulled away and dropped down off him.  She grabbed his hand and began pulling him in the opposite direction of the bushes and trees…out into the open area of the main cemetery.

“No … this way,” Spike objected, pulling her to a stop and starting back the other direction, towards the woods.

“No – this way,” Buffy insisted, pulling on his arm and back in the direction she’d started. “The ‘Bloody Mary’ house …” Buffy elaborated, pulling him harder away from the woods and towards the street.

Spike smirked and began running with her towards what all the kids called the ‘Bloody Mary house’.  It was an old, abandoned house just across from the cemetery entrance … said to be haunted.  The kids liked to ‘conjure’ Bloody Mary in there on dark nights and scare themselves silly (as if they needed more of that living in Sunnydale!) … Buffy had a different idea for it on this night.

Buffy and Spike ran hand in hand through the cemetery, dodging headstones, open graves, bushes, and trees.  They ran across the street and up the steps to the front porch of the old house.  Before Buffy could open the front door, Spike just crashed through it, kicking it loose from its hinges and pulling her inside with him.

Buffy pushed Spike hard against the nearest wall, cracking the old plaster, and captured his lips with hers as he returned her kiss just as vehemently. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, both of their bodies seemed to vibrate with uncontrolled desire as their mouths devoured the other.

“Need you…” Buffy moaned into Spike’s mouth as she lifted up and wrapped her legs around him again. When Spike caught her hips in his hands, Buffy reached down and unzipped Spike’s jeans, freeing his erection from its confines. 

Buffy ran her hand roughly up and down his rock hard cock and Spike growled against her mouth with unbridled need and desire. He’d missed her touch so badly … more than he even wanted to admit to himself.

But it wasn’t just her body he missed, it was her – it was her smile, and her laughter, and her craziness, and her love.  She was the only one that had ever brought him out of the shadows … she was the only one that could – she was the sun that shone on his face and gave him hope for the future and joy each day. As hard as he tried to put her out of his mind … she was entrenched in his heart and part of the mosaic that was his soul.  Without her, he felt like a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing.

Spike lowered her hips down and Buffy held her thong to the side as she guided his cock into her dripping, throbbing hole.  They both gasped as he entered her and pulled back to look into the other’s eyes. When Spike’s cock was buried in her to the root, they both stopped moving, the world stopped turning … there was no sound, no sun, no moon, no stars … there was nothing else in the universe except the deep pools of desire reflected in the other’s eyes.

Buffy had missed him so much … she cried for him, longed for him almost constantly over the last weeks.  And it wasn’t just this – the feeling of completeness when he was inside her – it was the feeling of completeness she got just being with him – laying with him, talking with him, laughing and joking and sharing her hopes and fears and dreams and their children with him.  

She felt like it was him that she’d always run to when life got hard, when it all started coming undone, she could always depend on him being there. Without him to share her life, it suddenly became dark and meaningless. The pain of losing him felt like what she always thought purgatory would feel like – a burning, stabbing ache consuming her whole body twenty-four hours a day – there was no escape from it and no reprieve.

Buffy lowered her mouth to his and sucked his bottom lip in, before taking his mouth in a hungry, carnal kiss.  “God Spike …” she moaned against his mouth as he began to move his hips, pressing into her heat and grinding his pubic bone hard against her clit.

Spike turned them around, pressing her back against the wall as he increased the tempo of his movements.  His body needed her as much as his heart and soul did – he needed to be enveloped in her heat, he needed to be held prisoner by her orgasms and he needed to spill his cum deep in her as her sugar walls quivered and trembled around him in ecstasy.   

“Fuck, yes!” Buffy exclaimed as Spike began slamming into her. Buffy used her legs around his waist to raise herself up and down in rhythm with his thrusts – taking his cock in deep and hard with each stroke. She held to him with one hand and the wall at her back with the other as Spike buried his face against her shoulder and his hips crashed against her with licentious force and yearning.

“God, Spike! Yessss! Fuck! Arrrgghhh! Yessss!” Buffy screamed as she came, her pussy trembling as it tightened around him like a vise. Spike roared as he lost control and thrust into her hard and deep, his own cum joined hers, spilling out of her pussy, covering them both with their combined juices.

Suddenly, the floor under Spike’s feet began to shudder as the old house relented to the demands and forces that Buffy and Spike had put on it.  Spike stepped back with one foot to catch his balance, but the strain was too much for Bloody Mary’s living room … the floor gave way under him and Spike fell backwards, taking Buffy with him.

Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy to shield her from the fall, which took them crashing down from the first floor living room into the basement of the haunted house. Spike’s back hit the floor of the basement with a hard thud as Buffy landed on top of him.

“You all right?” Spike asked her when the dust settled and he eased the hold he’d had on her.

“I think I just felt the earth move …” Buffy told him with a glint of mischief in her eye.

Spike smirked as he started to move his hips under her again, thrusting up into her with unfulfilled lust. “Dare we move it again, Slayer?”

“Mmmmm…” Buffy moaned, her eyes fluttering closed as his hard cock pushed in and out of her. “Let’s knock it out of orbit …” she murmured as she leaned forward over him and began to match Spike’s movements with her own hard thrusts, taking his cock deep into her core.

Spike slid his hands under her shirt and lifted it up over her head and Buffy pulled it the rest of the way off, tossing it to the side before unhooking her bra and releasing her breasts.  Spike lifted his head up and sucked one hard nipple into his mouth as his hand cupped her other tit and his thumb rubbed lightly around the nipple, teasing it with a velvet touch.

Buffy moaned and arched into him … God she had missed his touch – his passion, his lust … and his love.  But did she have his love?  He’d said a lot of things tonight … most of them not very pleasant, but he’d never said that he loved her.  Was she just fooling herself to think that she had his love and trust back?  Or did she just have his lust? Was this just sex for him or was it more?

Buffy stopped moving and sat back, pulling her breast away from his mouth as she stilled his hand, removed it from her other breast, and held his hand firmly in hers.  Spike stopped moving and looked up at her, silently questioning her sudden change.

“What is this to you?” Buffy asked as she held his eyes captive with hers. She stopped breathing as she awaited his answer … she could feel tears already welling behind her eyes – if this was nothing more than a fuck to him, she was sure that her heart would simply shatter in her chest … it was already so beaten and battered, so lonely and frightened from losing him. What if this meant nothing to him?

Spike looked at her with confusion … had he gone too far, too fast?  Had she buried her love so thoroughly that she couldn’t accept his and return it now?  Spike felt a lump form in his throat … did he tell her that she was everything to him – that this was just one of the things that he loved about her and needed with her or would that scare her away … send her running out into the night?

“What do you want it to be?” Spike asked her softly.

Buffy bit her bottom lip as she tried to hold in her emotions and shook her head. “No…you tell me what it is to you …” she insisted as her grip on his hand became painfully tight and she blinked the tears back from her eyes, trying to keep them from falling.

Spike took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. If he put his heart out on the line and she crushed it again by rejecting his love, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to recover. 

Spike opened his eyes and locked them onto hers.  He always felt like he could dive into the green depths of her eyes and live forever if given the chance …

“I love you, Buffy …” Spike said simply. “Without you, my world goes dark, my heart aches, my soul screams.”

Spike pulled her hand to his lips, trailing kisses up from her fingertips to her forearm before looking back up to her eyes. “This … to me this is one part of my love – my body wants you, but my heart and soul, they need you. They can’t go on without you.”

The tears that were built up in her eyes fell in rivers as she collapsed down on his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her body shook as sobs overtook her and Spike wrapped his arms around her bare back and held her gently to him.  He wasn’t entirely sure if they were tears of joy or sorrow that she was shedding … but at least she hadn’t run out into the night.

“I love you, too,” Buffy told him, her voice full of tears and emotion.  “I missed you so much … I’m so sorry – you don’t know. I never meant to hurt you … I just… I had to do it – I had to save Annie and JJ. I know you don’t believe …”

“I believe …” Spike interrupted her and Buffy sat back up to look into his eyes.

“You do?”

Spike nodded, looking ashamed. “You’re the Slayer … that means something in this world we’re in, in fact, it means a lot – I’d forgotten how much.

“You were Chosen for a reason, Buffy – because you can make the hard decisions, you can put the mission first, regardless of personal cost.  I’m selfish … I don’t want to share you with anyone – not Angel, not the Powers, and not the bloody mission, but to have you, to be with you, then I have to let you be who you are. You aren’t just my wife, you aren’t just a mother or a lover or a friend, you’re the Slayer and … well, I’m not.

“You made me think I was your equal…but I’m just a vampire with a soul.  I’m Robin … you’re Batman,” Spike told her with a small smile.

Buffy laughed through her tears then got serious again. “You are my equal …” Buffy started and Spike put his fingers to her lips and stopped her as he shook his head slowly from side to side.

Buffy pulled his fingers away. “You’re my husband … you’re my partner, my best friend – the other half of me. I shouldn’t have lied to you; I know how wrong that was… I just, I was scared.”

“Of me?” Spike asked softly.

“Yes … no … I don’t know – it’s so hard to explain …” Buffy stammered.

“You didn’t want to have to fight me … you were afraid you’d win and you were afraid you’d lose …” Spike offered the explanation that Faith had given him.

Buffy looked at him in amazement. “Yes … If I lost and you dusted Angel, that would seal Annie and JJ’s fate; if I won, I was afraid I’d lose you – either way, I lose.”

Spike nodded slowly, pushed himself up to sitting under her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest and tucking her head under his chin. “I’m sorry, Buffy. I’m sorry for doubting you and making you walk alone … you’ll never have to walk alone again, I promise you that. Never be afraid to tell me anything. I love you … you’ll always be the one, Buffy.”

“I love you, too, Spike. I missed you so much,” Buffy said against his chest as she closed her eyes and let the feeling of his strong arms holding her and making her feel loved and safe wash over her.

“Besides, Robin always stands behind Batman…” Spike added.

“Do you think Batman ever sat on Robin’s lap and did this?” Buffy asked mischievously, pulling back to look in his eyes as she gave his cock a hard squeeze with her pussy.

“Well…there were rumors…” Spike smiled as he took her lips in a tender kiss.  “So beautiful, you are, pet … so bloody beautiful … missed you so much,” he murmured against her lips as she began squeezing and moving slowly up and down on his cock causing it to re-stiffen inside her.

Buffy slid her hands under Spike’s duster and slid it off his shoulders and he shrugged out of it, then Buffy tugged his t-shirt up over his head and tossed it in the general vicinity of her shirt.  Buffy ran her hands slowly down Spike’s hard chest, touching him so lightly it felt like a soft rain on his alabaster skin.

Spike closed his eyes with a soft moan and let all the emotions, all the sensations of her touch, wash over him as Buffy moved her hips in a slow circle, grinding down on him and keeping his rod buried inside her.  She traced the hard muscles of his chest and abdomen with the tips of her fingers and leaned forward to drop butterfly kisses on his neck.

“I love you, Spike,” she murmured against his skin and Spike opened his eyes to drink in her beauty … adding one more sensation to the intoxicating cocktail that he was drowning in.

“I love you, Buffy,” he told her, his voice a deep rumble – full of emotion, as he wrapped his arms around her and rolled them both over. 

Their eyes locked onto each other – green on blue, as Spike pressed into her from above. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck and matched his easy rhythm; her hips rising to meet his in a slow, sensuous dance.  On each downstroke, Spike ground his pubic bone slow and hard against her clit, sending tingling, electrical shocks out to all parts of Buffy’s body and driving her insane with desire.

“More …” Buffy moaned as she raised her head up and took Spike’s lips in a passionate kiss. 

Spike increased the pace and strength of his strokes until their bodies were slamming together eagerly, hungrily, frantically.

“Spike! Yesss…God yes! Harder! Harder! Fuck, yes! Yessssss!” Buffy screamed as all the electrical shocks that had been shooting through her body suddenly merged into one brilliant bolt of lightning and exploded within her, sending her soaring … dancing in the skies on those laughter-silvered wings.

Buffy’s eyes fluttered closed as her orgasm exploded within her and her words changed to the soul piercing scream that Spike loved so much. Spike continued to slam against her, taking her as high as he could before her quivering and trembling pussy tightened so fiercely around him that he could no longer hold back. He slipped the surly bonds of earth and joined her in the heavens as his cum filled her tight channel and he roared with tempestuous rapture.

As they both floated back down to earth, Spike laid his body gently down against hers.  Buffy’s skirt was bunched up at her waist and Spike’s jeans were still mostly on, as well.  Spike wished for their clothes to magically disappear – he wanted to feel her skin against his – all of her skin against all of his, but didn’t want to pull away from her in order to shed interfering clothes.

Spike dropped soft kisses from Buffy’s shoulder up her neck and back down again as she struggled to find enough air to fill her oxygen depleted lungs and held him to her with strong arms and legs.

“I’m sorry I hurt you by lying …” Buffy whispered against his ear.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t see the forest for the trees …” Spike whispered back to her as they held each other on the floor in the basement of the old house and fell into the first peaceful sleep either of them had had in weeks…

**~**

Saturday, August 21^st, 2004:

Buffy woke when the sun shone in through the huge hole in the basement ceiling that they’d created the previous night. She rolled over and reached her hand out for Spike, but found nothing but broken plaster and floorboards.

“Spike?” she called, opening her eyes, sitting up, and looking around.  Spike had found an old quilt and had covered her with it – pinned to it was a piece of folded paper.

Buffy pulled the paper off the quilt and opened it and her rings and necklace fell out into her hand.  The note appeared to be written in red crayon, possibly the only thing he could find...

My Love,

Sorry I couldn’t be here to see your beautiful face when you awoke, but you looked so much like an angel, I couldn’t bring myself to disturb you. Left all the bits with the witches all night … have to get Annie to school and she’ll be worried if I’m not there.

Come home – I’ll be waiting.

With all my love,

Spike

At the bottom of the note, he drew a rectangle and wrote, “Admit One / E-Ticket Ride”.

Buffy laughed – with all the twists and turns, their life was definitely an E-ticket ride. She quickly slid her rings back on and fastened her necklace back around her neck. She gathered her shirt and bra and put them back on and adjusted her skirt before climbing the stairs out of the old basement and emerging into the sunlight of a new day.  A new day that held the promise of endless possibilities – a new beginning.

**~**

Buffy opened the garden door and slid the curtains back, letting a stream of sunlight into the great room.  The room had been put back in order over the last month … although Giles did remove all of the really old and irreplaceable books and took them to the Magic Box, ‘just in case’. 

Spike was lying on the couch waiting for her – he opened his eyes and smiled when the sunlight hit him.  Buffy dropped her bag, which she’d retrieved from the school, just inside the door and started walking over to him.

Spike was hit by a strong feeling of déjà vu … just like that first day when she’d come back to the mansion, sliding the curtains aside and covering him with sunlight before dropping her bag on the floor. This time the sun felt tingly and warm on his skin … the Gem of Amarra on his hand protecting him from its deadly rays, and this time he already knew the answer to the question of whether Buffy was staying – it would be ‘yes’.

Just as he was sitting up, Buffy reached him and pushed him back down. She climbed atop him, straddling his hips with hers and Spike relaxed under her, folding his arms behind his head and meeting her eyes with his.

“Teach me how to be a good wife … teach me how to be what you deserve,” Buffy said solemnly as she sat back against his legs.

Spike began stroking up and down on her arms with his hands. “Buffy … you’re more than I deserve – I didn’t mean …”

“Yes – yes you did,” Buffy interrupted him. “And you were right – I acted like I was alone, like I was the Slayer and not your wife or your partner and I was wrong.  I need you to show me, help me be better.”

“And what makes you think I can?” Spike asked with a cocked brow.

“Well, you did ok with the teaching me to be slutty…” Buffy smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, you were a natural …” Spike smirked as he pushed his upper body up to sitting and looked into her eyes.

“Buffy, there are times that we disappoint the people we love – there are times we disappoint ourselves – but we just have to do better next time. You made a mistake by lying to me, but I made a mistake by not remembering that you’re the Slayer and there’s a price to pay for what the Powers have given us … and apparently that price is livin’ with the wanker,” Spike told her quietly as his hands continued stroking up and down her arms.

“I took him back to L.A. – we don’t have to live with him!” Buffy clarified quickly.

Spike laughed. “I didn’t mean literally, luv. Just we have to live with the fact that they want him in the mix. I just bloody hope he doesn’t start another apocalypse here – not sure how many of those we can stand!”

“Oh … right,” Buffy said slowly as she laid her head against Spike’s shoulder.

“I promise to never lie to you again,” Buffy said quietly, her head still on his shoulder.

“I hate to break this to you, but you promised to get away from that last apocalypse … and you promised Annie you'd never leave.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Spike wished he hadn’t said them – things were going so well, why did he have to bollix it up?

Buffy sat back and met his eyes again. She held her right arm up at a right angle with three fingers up, as if taking the Boy Scout oath. “I make a ‘Spike promise’ to never lie to you again … cross my heart and hope to live in a land without chocolate,” she said solemnly, bringing her hand down and making an ‘X’ over her heart. “Unless it’s a little white lie, like at Christmas…” she added quickly.

Spike smiled at her and held his arm up as she had. “I promise not to dust the wanker if he shows up here, cross my heart and hope to live in a land without whiskey,” Spike said seriously, making an ‘X’ over his heart. “But I still hate him and will beat the shit out of him if he fucks with us again …”

Buffy and Spike both stuck their right hands out for a handshake.

“I apologize,” they both said in unison.

“I accept your apology,” they laughed as they followed their daughter’s advice, before releasing the handshake and pulling each other into a tight hug.

After a few moments, Buffy asked. “Where are the kids?”

“The Niblett’s beating Percy’s ass at Chinese, I reckon … the little bits are cheering ‘er on ...”

“I thought you had to take Annie to school?” Buffy asked, sitting back and looking at him.

“It’s Saturday … I somehow forgot what day it was … she reminded me when I woke ‘er up,” Spike said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, it’s a beautiful, sunny California day – and I think we need to get out of the house and go do something less ‘couch potatoey’, don’t you?” Buffy asked, taking his hand that had the Gem of Amarra on it in hers.

Spike smiled. “Absolutely.”

“Do you know how to ride a bike?”  Buffy asked as she climbed off him and stood up.

“’Course!” Spike exclaimed, standing up next to her.

“How long has it been since you rode a bike?” Buffy asked as they started walking towards the Batcave entrance to get the kids.

“Well… a year or two, give or take a decade…”

Buffy raised her brows and looked at him. “This should be interesting…”

“Just like makin’ love – no matter how long it’s been, it comes right back to ya. No worries,” Spike smirked as he opened the door for her to go in front of him.

Spike stopped at the top of the stairs and watched Annie hurl herself at Buffy and Buffy go to her knees and take their daughter in a strong hug and tears stung his eyes.

He’d acted like a wounded porcupine, tossing quills in all directions when he found her with Angel and it nearly cost him his soul-mate and his children their mother.  He’d never meant for that to happen, he was just hurt and wanted to hurt her as much as she’d hurt him.

Spike vowed to never let that happen again – no matter how much she insisted that he was her equal, he wasn’t.  She was the Slayer, he wasn’t – he would always be her willing slave.